Writing Poetry

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Sophia Engel Australia (5/11/2013 10:54:00 PM)

The Black Stallion
By Sophia Engel

Aloft the wind
I ride the night sky
I see the world through a much different eye
Rural, black and Deadly I am

Power, beauty
Strength and grace
I feel the spirits of ancestral space
I speak the unspoken word
of mother natures brutal world
Rushing winds
And tearing storms
Threatening yet not achieving
To bring me down

Pride of herd
The leader
The stallion
Sisters and brothers
I live ever-watchful standing by others
Watching, listening
For threat and danger

We run and gallop
Through wind and rain
Never stopping
Never resting
A kaleidoscope of colors
Flying through the forest pride
Through nettles, thorn and deadly tide
The short, the tall, the long of mane
No two ever the same

I know the chance
I know the fear
I know the forest ways
I live on the edge
For death crouches near
I feel its breath on my neck

On my back I carry a load
Through storm and calm
Ever vigilant and bold
Strength and bravery rage inside me
Natures will always guide me
Through wind and rain
To high and low
Over cliffs and Mountain tops

I have died in battle twice already
Killed by man
Hunted by predator as I roamed the land

Yet I survive
I take each step with pride
I am ever loyal to those who seek
The free life, the wild life
For I am feral and wild
For I am the Black stallion
The King of the wild

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  • Rookie James Kastner (5/25/2013 8:08:00 AM) Post reply
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    There are a lot of very nice things in this poem, particularly in the first two stanzas and in the repetition in the fifth stanza. I'd be happy to give you more specific notes which, of course, you can think about or ingnore, if you are interested in revising the poem. I think that the comment about the length of the poem made by another is valid and that the poem would be stronger if it were more compact and shorter. The fact that he almost didn't read it is an indication that the length is a potential problem.

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