Writing Poetry

Discuss ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas about how to write better.
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Andrew Lee Male, 18, Australia (3/22/2013 2:19:00 AM)

hi guys, this is my first poem, could you give me some feedback and pointers?thanks!

My life used to fly so smoothly
You boarded and higher I flew.
But I've just hit a turbulent cloud
I cant keep my mind off you.

My brain is turning to stone, and thinking is getting hard.
The silence is hungry, and it gnaws at my heart.
But when I hear your " Goodmorning! '
When I see your smile sweet,
The sun comes out from behind that black cloud
It lightens up my dark, so
Even the night burns brightly.
The world is my lamb chop,
And I'm kinda hungry.

Now, the sun soars across the waves
When before, it was drowning.
What was once a sad night
Is now a beautiful morning.
Yet wouldn't time have still trickled?
The sun risen on its own accord?
Dawn brings the morning, yes,
But Tina

You make it Good.

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  • Rookie Titi Dale (3/22/2013 4:21:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply
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    This poem is good, if this really is your first 1 :) you use metaphors nicely, and I think this may get even better if you put some sort of rhyme scheme into it! Nice work, Poppy: D

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    • Rookie Andrew Lee (3/23/2013 6:30:00 AM) Post reply

      Thanks! I tried to make it rhyme when i wrote it, but it kinda sounded childish if you know what i mean?Like a Dr Seuss book: / i dunno

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