Randy Johnson

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
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I met Pamela Anderson and we went on a date.
She was very becoming and everything went great.
It was an honor to date this star.
I made her forget about Tommy Lee and it wasn't hard.
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Last Christmas I went to Wal-mart to buy the last XBOX 360 they had.
But a man grabbed it as I reached for it and that made me mad.
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You've been dead for the same amount of time that you lived, forty-two years.
You were loved and your death devastated each and every one of your peers.
You didn't perform in all fifty states, one state that you missed was Montana.
You performed your last concert on June 26,1977 in the state of Indiana.
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Don't commit suicide, you can't afford the cost.
If you commit suicide, your soul will be lost.
Your death will bring others nothing but pain and sorrow.
Don't commit suicide, things may improve tomorrow.
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You got my sister pregnant and refused to take responsibility.
You told her it's her problem and now you have to deal with me.
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When I was seven, I had 100 dogs and that was too many.
My dad would cuss while my mama spanked my fanny.
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All day long I've had bad luck.
This morning I got on an elevator and it got stuck.
I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die.
I asked a man to put out his cigarette and he stuck it in my eye.
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(This is a fictional poem)

I soar through the air as I shoot webs from my hands.
When people see me, they say there goes Spider-man.
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I built a living creature with every body part that I could find.
I had no idea that I was giving him a psychopathic mind.
He has a flat head, green skin and bolts in his neck.
He escaped from my lab and he's on a violent trek.
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My cousin is as dumb as he can be.
His IQ score is only twenty-three.
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My cousin was always broke.
He'd get free meals at restaurants by pretending to choke.
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One day a man came to my house with a seed.
I decided to buy it because of my greed.
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When the Lone Ranger has his finger on his gun's trigger, he constantly has to pull it.
When the moon is full, he hunts and kills werewolves, that's why he uses silver bullets.
He also uses silver bullets to stop outlaws from committing crimes.
But he uses those bullets to kill werewolves the majority of the time.
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It's 4 A.M. and I haven't had any sleep all night.
My wife and I had a big fight.
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It's Christmas and my name Ebenezer Scrooge.
I've been through a transformation that was huge.
When it came to people, I was selfish and mean.
I was so selfish that I lost the girl of my dreams.
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You were arrested and put in jail.
After you got out, people started giving you hell.
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I'm hungry so I ordered fries and a burger.
I'm pouring ketchup on my fries and my coffee needs sugar.
This burger is delicious, I can't believe how good it tastes.
I'm gobbling it down, It will not go to waste.
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He's Batman but his true identity is Bruce Wayne.
Some people think he's a hero while others think he's insane.
He protects Gotham City from people who are a disgrace.
He protects them from the Joker, the Penguin and even from Two-Face.
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