Jack And The Beanstalk (A Pantomime) Poem by Mary Champion

‘tis said, that once upon a time,
an ancient bard composed a rhyme -
a tale of Jack, an idle yob,
who caused his Mum to sigh and sob.
So many things he left undone,
he proved a disappointing son.
Their only asset was a cow,
named Buttercup, who, up to now,
had daily given milk to sell,
allowing them to live quite well.

But, one day, Buttercup ran dry
and neither Jack nor Mum knew why.
They were both too thick to know,
if cows don't calve, then milk won't flow.
Instead of borrowing a bull
to do the deed, all masterful,
Mum told Jack to sell the beast,
so they could still afford to feast.

But on the way to market, Jack
met a strange man dressed in black,
who took the cow the yokel led,
and gave him magic beans instead.
Poor Mum could not conceal her rage,
she screeched at Jack to act his age,
and grabbing the offending beans,
she flung them outside, said ‘This means
that we shall surely waste away.
You stupid boy, I'll make you pay.'


They went to bed, unfed that night,
but when Jack woke, at dawn's first light,
he saw that overnight had grown
a massive stalk, like none he'd known.
How proud he was to see its size,
he hardly could believe his eyes.
It reached too high for him to see,
so he ran out, excitedly-
this mighty plant that had appeared,
so tall the top had disappeared.
Without a thought, the reckless lout,
began to climb up through the cloud.
Having gained the top he paused -
what lay ahead, to be explored?
In front of him, a giant slept.
Jack held his breath and slowly crept
to steal the giant's bag of cash,
then made a frantic, headlong dash,
scrambling swiftly to the ground
to show his mother what he'd found.
Her useless son, come good at last,
Mum forgot his murky past.
Jack's reputation was restored,
now he and mother could afford
to live like kings and pay the rent-
at least until the dosh was spent.

Then up the bean-stalk Jack returned
to see what riches could be earned.
The prize that he returned with next -
a goose that laid them golden eggs.
They sold a golden egg a day
and Mum said, ‘'Everything's OK! '

But Jack was still not satisfied,
He couldn't rest until he'd tried
another sortie up the vine
to see what he could steal this time.
As he approached the top he heard
the sweetest music ever aired -
a magic harp the giant played,
and what celestial sounds it made.
Jack stopped to listen, quite entranced
just waiting for a fighting chance
to steal the harp and run away,
then teach himself, the harp to play.

At last the giant fell asleep
and Jack seized on the chance to creep
up to his side and snatch the harp,
but as he did, he heard it start
to play a tune, so that it woke
the giant, who began to croak,
'Oh, fee and fi and fo and fum,
I smell the stench of Englishman.'

Jack's heart was beating fast with fear,
he gasped, 'Oh, Christ, I'm out of here! '.
He scrambled down, only to find,
the Giant coming close behind.
He screamed for Mum to bring an axe
then gave the bean stalk three great whacks.
He cut it through and so it fell
to bring the giant down as well.

The ogre dead, Jack, safe and sound,
decided he preferred the ground.
He learned to play the harp with skill,
and soon was topping every bill -
so magical was his technique-
at sell-out concerts twice a week.

Now both their lives are full of laughter -
here comes the ‘Happy Ever-After! '