It Can Be Hard For A Woman To Retain Her Femininity When She Has To Do Diy... Poem by Viv Wade

I USED TO BE A WOMAN

I used to be a woman, but now I'm not so sure.
I'm wearing dirty overalls, sanding down a door.
I used to dress in pretty clothes, feminine, and cute,
But they weren't as practical as this old boiler suit.

I used to be a woman, well made-up, and well dressed,
If you had ever seen me, you would have been impressed.
I used to have such lovely hair, never out of place.
Now I wear a football cap, and paint all down my face.

I used to be a woman, with flowery perfume.
Now it's just the smell of turps that wafts around the room.
One flutter of my eyelashes would drive men insane,
But in these safety goggles, they're fluttering in vain.

I used to be a woman, obvious at first glance.
Young men would rush to date me, if given half a chance.
My dating days are over, I've too much work to do.
The most exciting place I go is to B&Q.

I used to be a woman, but now I'm just a joke.
Most people who see me now mistake me for a bloke.
Other girls have manicures, or sessions at the spa.
I don't seem to have the time - I've got to fix the car.

I used to be a woman. Less useful, I suppose.
Almost good for nothing except powdering my nose.
Now I'm not as feminine as when I first began,
But if something needs fixing, just call me - I'm your man!