Girls With Names Like Mine Poem by Samyuktha Anand

So the other day,
I told my mom that I was going to buy lunch so I wouldn't have to hide my smelly rice and curry from the other kids
So I got a salad and yogurt covered raisins and sat down with the "popular girls"
They asked me what my name was
They asked me what my different, undoubtedly Indian,8 letter, hard-to-pronounce name was
A name I can't even produce right at school without feeling embarrassed
So I told them to call me Sam
Becuase Samuktha doesn't sound right in an ocean where the sharks are named Avery, Emily, or Abigail.
Because girls with names like mine have to hide out culture in order to be liked.

For the next few months,
I started to wear clothes that I thought a girl named Sam would wear
I wore shorts and white t-shirt to try to make up for my chocolate brown skin
I traded Indian classical dance for ballet
I traded my hairy body for poorly shaved arms.
I traded being good at math for being good at makeup.
Because girls with names like mine have to look like other girls in order to fit in

I was in fifth grade when I first got called a coconut
Brown on the outside, white in the inside
But as much as I tried to get rid of that stupid dark shell
As much I told my classmates I was born in America,
That my parents were born in India, but I amAmerican
That my name is Sam
I still didn't fit in. Not at school. Not at home.
Because girls with names like mine try so hard to change themselves they lose their roots.

I was in 6th grade,
When I stopped speaking my native language because it didn't sound right when I formed words with my glaring American accent
I told my mom my name was Sam, not Samuktha.
I became a foreigner amongst my own family
I was too whitewashed to be Indian, but too brown to be American
I didn't fit in. Not at home. Not at school. Not at all.
(My name is Sam)
You might say that I'm being dramatic and you might say that there are worst things in life
And you know what your probably right
But I know for a fact that if a had a white name, if I was a white girl I would've loved myself more
I wouldn't be embarrassed to say my name
I wouldn't be so afraid of my name being associated with my culture
(My name is Sam)

But girls with names like mine don't have to change themselves in order to love themselves

I am now 20 years old
It took me 20 years to learn how to prounounce my name
It took me 20 years to take my name back
To take my identity back
I finally learned how to love myself
My language
My food
My clothes
My temples
My music
My culture
Know I tell people my name is Samyuktha
Not Sam, Not Sammy
I was named after a goddess
My name is a symbol of dependence
So please try and pronounce it right
Samuktha Anand
And if your one of the girls with names like mine: don't run from it, embrace it