Fighting The Urges To Just Give In Poem by mona martinez

that moment where you are tested,
do you run to unhealthy coping ways?
just cuz you know it easier,
and you can make the pain go away,
it what you want when you hurting,
anything to numb the pain,
no matter the consequences,
today don't know why i'm fighting,
i would of already given in by now,
given into what was simple,
and give me the satifation,
just to not feel this pain,
any pain feels better than this,
but i'm fighting urges to,
cuz in the end,
i know that masking the pain,
only makes it worse,
but in the past,
knowing that still haven't stopped me,
now that i'm understanding the reason,
behind why i do the things that i do,
it makes it a little bit easier,
to kind of stick it out,
and stay with the emotion,
after a hard fight,
of endless sleep,
i figured the worse is over,
after a bad storm,
the sun has to come out sometime,
it's a frustrating wait,
want to hide from ppl,
you know they are there for you,
but through the shame,
of just wanting to be normal,
not have to mess with things like this,
sometimes it can be a lonely world,
when the only person,
who can truely understand your pain,
is yourself,
it something that can be explained,
but the only one that lived it was is you,
days like these where the past is repeated,
there really nothing you can do to stop the thoughts,
they come through your mind,
no matter how hard you try to keep happy thoughts,
they enter through like a virus,
not giving a care in the world,
you can kill part of it,
but in the end,
traces of it are left behind,
and you stuck asking yourself,
if you will ever get better,
you tired of everything that continues,
you just would like it to stop,
just enough to enjoy life,
how you once use to enjoy it.