Appetite Poem by Suzanne Hayasaki

My appetite has changed as I age.
There was once a time
I longed to feast my eyes
On some boy I imagined I liked.

I suppose it began when I was rather young
Hoping the teacher would seat me
Behind the boy I admired
So I could keep my feelings secret
While sneaking peeks at him
As he charmed the whole class
And sometimes even the teacher.

When I got a little older
And slightly bolder
I learned how to approach men
Gradually, from a slant
And insert myself into their circle
And observe them until I was sure
I wouldn't get hurt.

But over the years
The faces that became most dear
Weren't perfect or square-jawed.
I didn't gaze at them in awe
Of their manly attractions.

It was the kindness in their eyes.
The smiles that brightened at the sight of me.
The gentle hesitation that made seem them clumsy at first
And the way they seemed to transform
Into something more than before
As their confidence in us
Grew into self-trust.

And now, decades into waking every day
To the face of a man I am watching age
And seeing how each new line helps define
Both the kindness and the curmudgeonliness
That time and stress has etched into his skin,
I am filled with the quiet contentment of a wife.

If I craved a sugar-coated donut of a boy at first
And came to believe I needed a cheese burger as a teen
And later went in for a rare steak that could be paired with wine,
I have reached the point where a rather bland slice of toast
And some tepid tea is exactly the comfort food my old soul needs.