A Conversation I Cant Have Poem by Anna Pine

She said 'why don't you talk to me about your feelings? '

I dont respond with 'I can't trust you not turn my emotions into weapons against me.'
I want to say 'You don't want to know that all my anger and pain is caused by you'



'What if it hurts' I whisper to my cat after this conversation, with my mother. He just purrs, he is easier to talk to.

I don't talk to her because it makes everything real. I don't talk because I don't want to hear her say that my feelings aren't real. I don't want to know all the excuses she has for why she says and does what she does.

I don't want her reason for saying something to hurt me when she fully knows that her words will gut me.

I don't respond to her. I don't give her the reaction she wants aside from the silent tears that track down my cheeks.

I turn by back to her and walk away.
When I leave the room and turn the corner I slump to the floor and sob. I cry out everything I can't say. I cry for the relationship we could've had and I cry for me because I deserve a mom who I can run to with my hurt.

If I am to keep going I need to not listen to what she has to say.