Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
Cynic. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Education. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.