Tess Connor

A lonely flower in a field
A lonely child does not yield
A lonely star in the night sky
A lonely man gives up to die
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I trust the dirt, I trust the rain
I trust the cars, I trust the train
I trust the secrets, I trust the truth
I trust the old, I trust the youth
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All I want is freedom
Is that too much to ask?
All I yearn for is freedom
I’m stuck inside this flask
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I sit here just wondering
How it got so bad
Reminiscing all the happy times
That I once did have
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There used to be a time where happy families existed
And the love never died out, the longing for love persisted
You and mum once had that love; it soon came to an end
Maybe it was best for us all, maybe a god send
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Mum walks into my bedroom, discovers me on the floor
Drops to her knees and cries, she doesn’t know, she’s not quite sure
If I’m dead or unconscious, I’m just laying there deathly still
She yells to me and shakes me then sees the blood I’ve spilled
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Its fear that whispers to me in my ear, it is fear that I hear say
“You’re afraid of me the most; I’ll hold you back all day”
Its fear which I listen to, to make my every decision
Its fear that helps to guide me on, creating each vision
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I have a special package, one I made for you

It has a special meaning and hopes you find it true.
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I think back to five minutes ago as I sharpened my blade
Sitting on the bathroom floor, my mindset everywhere splayed
Reminiscing all the angry times, from past until this date
Fitting in a state of regret, already it is too late
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It’s time to apologize, it’s way overdue
Say sorry to my razor carved body and my slashed up mind too
Time to say sorry for the trouble and mistakes I’ve made
This apology appears truthful and very much delayed
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I was doing so well, everything was going so smooth
I was living in the moment, I’d hidden the razors I use
When I got suddenly struck just out of the blue
With a truckload of hate; a bomb I can’t diffuse
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I feel pain but I am numb
My soul weeps but I’ve no reason to be sad
I feel claustrophobic yet I live free
I learn yet I am none the wiser
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The land of the weak, the home of the brave
The bottomless pit, the mass burial grave
The tremendous stench of the rotting pride
The end of the world, the evil side
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The best time of our lives, living it free
Gossiping, chattering, holding the key
Knowing success is easily had
While wearing a smile, nothing seems bad
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Death is my safety net, the word I pull outta my heart
If something gets too confusing, too harsh, too cold, too apart
Death is the centre of revolution around which we all fit
Death is the last encounter of the flame we all have lit
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I feel like I am soaring, like an eagle in the sky
Everything’s going so great; I’m stuck on a permanent high
Everything which once had me down, so far down past return
Has disappeared into the darkness, locked up in an earn
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Eyes are bleeding, full of pain
Heart is wrenching, going insane
In the corner of my padded cell
Restricting straightjacket chafes like hell
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I live in a world controlled by my fear
The future is imminent but not readable or clear
So many visions and thoughts of my death growing near
Too many paths, not knowing where to steer
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My death will take me to heaven
Even though it’s the devil that I follow
The fiery pits of hell to me
Seems my destiny, my life is shallow
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As people are gazing into my eyes
They look for the truth I advertise
Little do they know the ‘truth’ is lies
My emotion hidden by a disguise
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