Neena Change

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Why did I want you
When I knew your love was untrue
Why did I run to you
When there's nothing I could do
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This is not a ruse
Can't help but dampen the fuse
Waiting and looking for clues
What if the circumstances aren't right
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The truth is
I fell in love with you a long time ago
But one day
I had to learn not to let it show
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Its nearly inexpressible
When you feel worthless
With no confidence
No longer able
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I'm so tired yet can not sleep
This life I've created feels so incomplete

I've worked so hard, fought against the grain
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Baby boys bring such joy
A diaper bag and a ton of toys
Lots of tickles bring priceless giggles
They can't help but wiggle
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Being pretty is harder than you'd think
Actually it really kind of stinks

Expectations soar to the brink
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For you this birthday wish
I send with a big hug and kiss
May happiness find its way
And be the gift that stays
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How do you stop searching for something you've always sought?
You keep telling yourself you're done looking, you've given up
It feels true
And you completely mean it when you do
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When security has gone out the door
And hopes have hit the floor

No one there to hold your hand
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Been alone here right from the start
Or that's how it seems as I look back through the dark
Tried to leave a trail of marks
But still no one follows
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Lost and alone
Traveling this obstacle course
Found you tripping and stumbling along a similar path
Offered you my hand to help you up
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My heart has been skinned
And my faith thinned
I don't know how to let you in
The thought of it just makes me spin
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Pushing and pulling
You can't make up your mind
You tell me you're sorry
And I'm just left behind
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Being small
Time stalls
But now grown
It's just flown
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I've thought about you for a long time
But I gave up and crossed you off my mind
And now, when you've come to call
I can't help but stall
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Limping through life
Without even a crutch
Wouldn't be so bad
If it wasn't so rushed
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Life, like the sweet smell of spring flowers for some
But then for others it turns it's back
A journey of God's precious moments
But what about all the rest?
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A helpless feeling comes over you
Confusion, not knowing what to do
Hoping, praying
Maybe its not true
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