steve stirk

Walls adorned with 'felt tip' smut
Toilet door that will not shut
'If you're reading this' ' they put
'Your peeing on your foot'
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Yokels farmyard Crismas time
An yokel dozen ave a dime

Ee’s one foine fowl that gived im eggs
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Auntie ironed creases
On all the clothing pieces
So that her kids and husband wouldn't carp
She wouldn't by devices
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Alan Foot had two left feet
And neither one was right
And two left feet will never meet
As both of them would fight
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There's a certain kind of poem
That I love the way you write
Your words are smooth and flowin
and you keep the balance tight
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Geoffrey James would always come
And stand right at the back
Others thought he'd been struck dumb
And Often gave him flack
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This is my best poem
If I should have a test
Critics when I show em
Would say that it's my best
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For my mate Stuart. I've sent you a lovely card this Christmas. You're a hell of a guy and we all love you....Love Stuart XXXXXXX


It's sad to be alone when it's your birthday
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My big red phone box travels far
They gave it me on loan
Installed into my mini car
This massive mobile phone
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Don't take Grandad's tablets
They'll never make you well
And Mummy says 'If taken
They'll start to make you smell'
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I remember in the sixties
That a twelve inch was admired
And that if you had a twelve inch
It was more than was required
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A thug I am, to other men
My fists are not ignored
Till other thugs said “try a pen”
It’s mightier than the sword
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I musta often lusted for the custard of me Ma
She trusted us to leave it in its washed out custard jar

One day the jar got busted and the custard home became
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May Auntie made a sausage dog
Out of bits of pork
She tied it on a piece of string
And took it for a walk
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If you bought some Liver and thought it was bad
I’d Offal a refund so you won’t get mad

The gesture though Poultry will save you a buck
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At sweetie school I made a boob
Unlike the other rascals
So then I had to share a tube
With fourteen round fruit pastilles
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The botoxed lines have smoothed away
To gods of vanity I pray
No china cracks no hair-line slits
Below eye sacks or saggy bits
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