Spike Milligan Poems

I saw a little elephant standing in my garden,
I said 'You don't belong in here', he said 'I beg you pardon?',
I said 'This place is England, what are you doing here?',
He said 'Ah, then I must be lost' and then 'Oh dear, oh dear'.
...

Born screaming small into this world-
Living I am.
Occupational therapy twixt birth and death-
What was I before?
...

So they bought you
And kept you in a
Very good home
Cental heating
...

Somewhere at some time
They committed themselves to me
And so, I was!
Small, but I WAS!
...

If you're attacked by a Lion
Find fresh underpants to try on
Lay on the ground quite still
Pretend you are very ill
...

The essence of true beauty
Lingers in all-encompassing rainbows
Of your joy and laughter
...

I was thinking of letters,
We all have a lot in our life
A few good - a few sad
But mostly run of the mill-
...

Drake is going west, lads
So Tom is going East
But tiny Fred
Just lies in bed,
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Elephants are contagious!
Be careful how you tread.
An Elephant that's been trodden on
Should be confined to bed!
...

Philip Le Barr,
Was knock down by a car,
On the road to Mandalay.
He was knocked down again
...