Questions Poem by Blessing Kalamatila

[Soulani]:

Lord,
I come to you with a heart heavy with questions and all kinds of hopes dashing prince charmings ' that ride my way confuse for desperation,
As I wait for your plan to unfold in anticipation.

See as a woman,
Because of my age, I'm at a stage where my audience snap the question-
When will I be a bride?
Yet with no Mrs to my name nobody knows how I go backstage with tears in my eyes that fall like raindrops beneath the skies,
The same tears I water my garden with a faucet like a façade;
Putting on an a sister act of I don't want kids but I'm okay with role playing making them.

One would assume I only date for fun,
When deep down I just don't want to admit that I too is really just a hopeless romantic,
Well of course I am, Besides I'm poetic.
Ever performing angry poems while secretly writing love poems;
those I never wish to share because I am afraid to appear weak,
and so would rather be a skit than admit that I too would kill
Just to know how it feels like to be loved as a reciprocation to my efforts as I mask her up (Mascara) to make up for my cracked foundation,
yet still pretend that I don't need validation;
That I read Shakespeare and that I've re-watched The Notebook a thousand times,
and cried every single time and that I too would like to be a mom
Under this Madam,
You let get hurt one too many times,
So now pretending to not give a damn,
Yet still yearning an Adam she knows will never come,
Cause I've already wasted my fair share of ages waiting on your time.

[God]:

I see you find it easy to blame me
but what you don't see is my son;
Whom I sent from above only to land on that cross drenched in your lipstick red blood,
bruised and disfigured but I already figured as you go through this phase of wanting more of your selfies and less of reading scripture, I ‘am afraid my timeframe won't do much in helping you see the bigger picture.

For a lot have come to me in the same 'vain' and blasphemous tongue,
But still, How dare you question my love?

[Soulani]:

Your love?
Ish...
Now that's another question on its own don't you think?

[Both]:

Okay let's see...

[Soulani]:

Recession, Poverty, Wars, Hunger, Locusts in Kenya and now a global pandemic?
If you love us- then Why do you allow these?
But since a Wy-cliff was my first love, wrote me songs

[God]:

Let me guess, told you that you were the sweetest girl and promised you forever?

[Soulani]:

Like the paradise you speak of and promise in your letters,
Which X-plains-Y I always find myself at the same cliff,
Like a graph falling for governments and men that can't handle my weight,
And if this is all just part of your plan,
Then I'm tired of the wait!

[God]:

But wait!
Its quite sad, how you come to me knowing that your debts that governed your flesh have been paid,
but you still choose to go on dates with men who want nothing more than to get laid,
Like corrupt officials that claim to serve the people yet want nothing more than to get overpaid.
Funny how you have Grace but can't even make the most out of the worst
Instead what matters to you are the natural disasters which you blame me for, Or;
how come you come to me asking for a sign,
forgetting that my spirit resides in you.
So why not use the discernment within you to tell apart- The One,
Who's not only after your heart but mine?

[Soulani]:

But which... ONE?
I mean the last one saw the world through my body curves and promised me the earth,
Rolling his tongue with words too sweet and a touch too gentle not to trust,
So yes! I got carried away by his wave as we drowned in lust.
Then the one before wanted to leave his wife,
So tell me- must I snatch him from somebody,
For me to finally be somebody's wife?

I mean with all this pressure I'm not sure I can pass this test;
When you! the Great teacher,
Just won't grant me the man of my class.

[God]:

Easy for you to ask
but hard for you to see how you inaccurately perceive my teachings,
You demand a man of class;
but when will you learn?
That only I know what's best but you keep putting my will at test,
When you invest in the wrong dudes who in turn leave you depressed,
Then you start to obsess over marriage and all of a sudden-
Every couple you see is blessed?

[Soulani]:

But look at me...am I blessed?

[God]:

Yes!

[Soulani]:

then I guess the mirror acknowledges my beauty formed in your own image,
An image I could hardly recognize battered by my own insecurities growing up then later bruised by his fists,
So father am I blessed yet cursed with this beauty,
that I should only attract these beasts?

[God]:

No Dear! The problem is you think of it like a disguise,
Remember Beauty only means much if the woman know how to act
So yet again I ask, why do you find it soo easy to blame me?
but hard for you to see that you're fighting the wrong battle.

Day by day you struggle in questioning your beauty forgetting that you were created in my own likeness alright,
So why find comfort in your mirror if it won't even reflect Christ?

I guess you're too concerned with your worldly image that only blinds you from seeing the purpose you were created for.

[Soulani]:

But my heart beats with depression

[God]:

So?


[Soulani]:

It hurts like a sting,
And frankly every relationship I get into feels like a boxing match;
So how many blows must my heart take just so to win thering?

If you love me,
Why do you permit these hurts?
I know I've made mistakes and would like to start on a clean slate,
I'm getting closer to hitting 30 but unlike Sarah 90 is a long way to go,
and my faith still has a long way to grow from accepting such a fate.

[God]:

So never you forget that Sarah too was mere flesh and you are no exception,
So remember to water that garden with Hope;
Cuz you're better off waiting foryour Adam
than be an Eve that keeps falling from the art of deception.
Realize that I expect you to study

[Soulani]:

and not just read your word?

[God]:

No, cuz all it takes a little faith

[Soulani]:

even the size of a mustard seed?

[God]:

Precisely!
To see the end I planned for you from the very beginning.

[Both]:

But what am I to do?

[God]:

If my word is something you pay little heed

[Soulani]:

and attention to only when I come asking for a man

[God]:

Tsk! One you think you even need.

[Soulani]:

So let me get this straight! Do These men will only see me trapped in loneliness?

[God]:

Yes! But don't mistake my word for bait.
Remember that I wrote you 66 letters to show to show my love for you
So don't come to me

[Both]:

with questions

[Soulani]: I

[God]:

already have answers to.