Sadie Vanity

Go to sleep close your eyes and dream of broken butterfly's who tore their wings against a thorn you know the pain that they have born
silver metal shine so bright scarelet blood that feels so right
dream of blood trickeling down and wake up just befor you drown
the moonlight shining off your tears as you bleed out your own worst fears
...

Tears of black rundown my face
i dont know what to say
as i am silenced by the thoughts in my head
i dont know how to deal with this anymore
...

My cutts are deep
they bleed so slowly
as my tears fall
i feel so much hate inside
...

Like the pain in my trick arm
the pain i feel is my heart beating
and my muffled breathing
i stand outside staring at the sun
...

the air is warm yet feels cold to me
as i smoke my cig and try to breath
thinking and crying tears of white
as the tears roll down my cheeks i think
...

I feel the emotion
fact and
thought
sinking into my brain slowly
...

In my room i feel a great sadness
its like sleeping is no option
has no point
my mind blocks my will to dream
...

My heart has died
theres a pain inside
my stomach aches
my head pounds
...

Hear my call i am crying
it feels like my heart is slowly dying
i know im loved but some times its like they are lying
i am burning and bleeding infront of their eyes
...

Im addicted to his kiss
and the way he touches my body softly
running his hands all over my body
im addicted to his giggle and laugh
...

it wasnt my fault
i tried to resist but he didnt stop
and i do cry
its so hard
...

i know who i am
im dark and quiet
creative and myself
dont care what people say
...

i used to feel and be so happy on the outside
but on the inside the real me was trapped
when i look back now i think of how stupid i was, i am so much more alive now on the outside
but inside i am so dead
...

I sit in this world
with so much around me
thoughts of certain things invade my mind
with a heart filled to the top with darkness
...

like a soldier im in war
my enemy is life and feeling
the hole i dug next to my trench
is where i shall lye my feelings
...

i feel down at rock bottom
i look dead as if i have been laid to rest for a while
but here i stand feeling and looking as i do
my heart still beats and my eyes still reflect
...

in the snow i walk looking at everything coated in beautiful white
thoughts run through my head so many i cannot count
as i watch the snow fall i realize that its as beautiful as life itself
as i watch the snow fall i think of her and how i wish she could be beside me to see what i see just one last time
...

I sit around sometimes and let my thoughts eat me alive
Till one day I thought of you
my birth mother and the flesh and blood of what is supposed to be my sister
after 3 years of getting on with my life I had completely forgotten
...