Mom Poems - Poems For Mom

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A War Going On In My Mind - Poem by Pauline Lejeune

I miss everything. I miss my house, I miss my habits in this house, I miss my room, I miss my dog, I miss my sister, I miss my mom.
Even if at that time, I didn’t realize how unhappy and depressive I was. Now being three years later, looking back at my whole life, I realize that things were bad. But seeing me now, three years later, even more unhappy and depressive, even if everyone is telling me that I look better, I look happier, nobody knows what’s going in my mind. Nobody knows how deep I am hurt. How my past is ruining my life.
And that’s why I would do anything to get my life back.

I have a war going on in my mind. I can’t decide. I hate my mom so much for giving me the childhood she gave me, for hitting me, for telling me I was ugly, for telling me I was fat, for not being there when she should have, for never telling me she loves me, for not being a normal mom, for not fighting for me and my sister, for influencing me in a negative way about everything I thought, for thinking that everything was always about her, for never listening to me when I was trying to say what I was feeling, for choosing other people above me. Every time it gets better, it seems like she is there to ruin everything. Because when I make a decision in my life about her, she is there to make me change my mind.
But I can’t live without her. I always keep going back to her. And that’s why I can’t decide.

I am the person I am today because of her. When I think about myself, I think about someone fat, ugly, who does not believe in herself, who feels alone even if she has people who she loves around her.
I don’t trust anyone. I keep all my secrets for me. I am now unhappier than I was three years ago, even if my mom promised me three years ago that everything was going to change. It was going to change in a positive way. I was going to get better, we were going to get better, together.

While reading why I hate my mom, I started crying. It made me realize why I am so unhappy. I would like her to disappear from my life, but I can’t because she is my mom. That’s why I keep going back to her, because she is my mother.
My mom acts like an egoist, like everything is always about her.
But it’s not.
I want it to be about me for once.
Just about me.

Thank you so much *i***, for being such an adorable dog.
For listening to me every night.
For giving me hugs when I was crying.
For being there when I was feeling alone.


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