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I Had Dreams……….That Got Closed--Gudiya - Poem by Umasree Raghunath

I had dreams, dreams of life
Happy marriage as my man's wife

Young and aspiring life
Being a proud soldier's wife

The gaity of the rajastani sands
And chilness of the saichan ice

The glory of the kashmir valley
Made life a beautiful rally

As we raced together for the union of minds
And souls in the marriage of real finds

Proud was I as any other Indian child
With my man with charm of his uniform and wild

For my man is with the Army saving this soil
Never did we know the forthcoming turmoil

The bright spring that set the enemy in the Kargil soil
Ten days old marriage had a new meaning foil

To part was not in the cards for the new bride
But let him go for the country with pride

The gallant indian soldier marched to the enemy camp
Through the slopes, and shivering cold and ramp

To him what mattered was not his new bride
But saving his mother India with lots of pride

Fought the days and nights for this country
Made his bullet torn tents his only entity

Marched did his with loads of food on his back
Not knowing at home when he would be back

Went through the woods and lost his guide
But did not dare to get back for the sake of Nation's pride

The enemy took the lead hand
To capture this brave soldier and run his rand

Back at home, my dreams vanished
With the fears of no news from my man

Sun rose everyday, and set at the noon
Making it a bane what I thought was a boon

The days and weeks passed with the fears
And my unspoken wonders and unshed tears

No news of his survival nor of his death
With the hopes of his life, I held my breadth

Run did me behind the every postman who crossed my street
Waiting for the little piece of paper with his news treat

Came back the Army, with my man in the missing list
No confirmation of his life and death, to do its best

The sun did not give the required warmth
Or the night could ever steel my hearts wrath

Thousands of people could defend this country
But for me and my life, it could only be he

I could not be the great martyr's wife
Sacrifice for the land and go ahead with pride

Waited for months that he would come back
Making the colours shine wiping away the black

No call, no fall of any news of where he was
Every day was hard and tough enough to pass

People whom I thought was mine
Forced me to forget this as I whined

I as a human being came across another man
A prince charming who could let me realise a woman

A young woman in me, who forgot to laugh for a while
Was taken by passion to travel with me that extra mile

With due respect and affection, I bid a farewell
To my first marriage and felt he would be well

Life started afresh with still the mist in my eyes
And ofcourse thought was at the best of my dice

Gone are the tears of someone's search
For four years of waiting had no breach

Roses bloomed in the garden of tears
And love whispered loud again in my ears

With no regrets of the past
Every new day with charm started to pass

As a sign of the perfect love in life
Butterflies in me started to fly as a new wife

For the man who respected my past life
I decided to be a real passionate perfect wife

Dreams of the junior did grow with us
And our child started to grow with bliss

A perfect family in the making
As we made a happy beginning

Little did we know what future had in store
As one day my first husband knocked at the door

Four years of silence from his side
Made the matters worse and distance wide

Could not run into his blossom as his wife
Of I am now the mother of a different man's child

Could not hug him tight welcoming his back with life
For no more in thought or pride, I am his wife

Shocked was he with my swollen womb
Tears filled eyes told the stories of escape from tomb

The merciless pakistan jail that struck him with darkness
That made for him the outside world, an unknown palace

4 years of no speech, no warmth and no sleep
made him loose the charm and eyes dark and deep

I could only cry for the ill fate of mine
But could not welcome him back in life being fine

He wanted me back in his life
As his endearing and everlasting wife

But for me now what matters is my child
For I have to give a life which is gentle and never wild

He is my husband but not my child's father
My child's father is not my husband for that matter

What mattered is the legacy that was set by others
And not the minds, souls and hearts that withers

People whom I thought was mine
Forced me to forget this as I whined

Want me to forget the passion for my child's father
And go back to the most ill fated Soldier

What am I, certainly not a toy
That changes the hands in a play

Here I am, an human being who withers
One pain I faced in life as a lost bride

With the first marriage whose fate unknown
For years, as a wife or his widow, not known

Now with the second marriage, that's destiny unknown
And the feelings of heart unheard and unknown

If I go back to my first husband, I am wrong
For the little child will go illegal as she is bron

Should I think of the country at large
And goahead with the soldier in his life's march

Or should I be worried as a little mother
And provide the solace to little one with her own father

Should I forget the legitamacy of this child
And goahead just because my man is back and wild

Should I do justice to the man who came as a solace
To me when life withered being alone and roll back

How could I betray a man who made me his wife
After the destiny danced badly in my life with grief

Soldier thinks he deserves me best for he went for the country
I think I need my child's father for her world not to end in dismay

I respect the soldier returning back with life
But no more could I go back to him as his wife

Had this been love which was true
He should respect my life which started new

Had the emotions and thoughts respected by few
He should with heart bid me a farewell adieu

He may be a soldier to this country and sacrificed
But to me what matters is the man who edificed

When the world closed its door for me
My child's father came to rescue and shelter me

I respect and regard the man of my first marriage
But I have no rights to cause my child's life any damage

The roads are new and never taken
Let god show the way before its forsaken

Gentle be the decisions to make life go in peace
Before all our lives part and burn to piece

In the mantle of justice, he may be right and he may win
But if it happens, he is a man who lost his own battle fine

For no more a woman can share her heart with two gentlemen
Nor give up the child for the justice told by the people with pen

This is an unknown story with an unknown end
Let me hope this will have an happy end…………………………

…………………………Tributes to the victim Guidya. Let god give her strength to take the right decision.

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