Woody Putts: A Bouquet Poem by Aniruddha Pathak
Woody Putts: A Bouquet
Too easy it was golf balls to drive,
Easy was to take off and arrive,
Hell, could not drive that car
Far— nor my even par,
And the whole world calls me far too naïve!
… … … …
Birdies and eagles were once well done,
Trophies and medals, my name in sun,
And now this hole in one
Is making me undone!
Where’s the fun of hitting a hole gone?
… … … …
How’d one crash into a fire hydrant?
A huge tree, not a puny li’le plant!
But he was no more good
To tell iron from wood,
Such ‘las was the fall of a giant.
… … … …
And dropped was he our Woody Tiger
From a premier event called Ryder1,
Making his record worse,
Parched purse, career course,
Every remark somewhat more snider!
1. Ryder: A European golf event
… … … …
Nightmare it always is to drive
In the dead of a sleepless night
To escape a marital fight,
And no place on earth to arrive!
Sigh, sigh,
But why?
Most us can’t tell pasture from lea,
He for once wood for tree!
… … …
Hollywood fan nor was a figure,
Wood still gave a film renewed vigour,
The new film being made,
As goes Woody charade,
Named is: Scratching Cars, Lying Tiger.
… … … …
Sixteen2, and counting still going on,
On the escapades of the old don;
And the bet is of course:
Would he go the full course?
Eighteen holes me seems not far too yon.
2. Number of babes he philandered with
… … … …
Pray what is Tiger Wood now left to brood?
Birdies, eagles nor holes-in-one seem good,
All holes seeming hollow
He would not now follow,
Oh saving one and only one—
The whole of his home ere haven!
… … … …
What does the Tiger scandal prove?
Swing in glory to your success,
Earn thy earnest all dough I guess,
Ye may loaf around and roam all the Rome,
But never mess with that hole3 called sweet home
That be your gravity’s sole groove!
3. Hole: Though is used in the sense of personal pad,
a sort of waterhole, it also alludes indirectly to golf,
and to Tiger’s philandering ways.
… … … …
Beware attitude may or not be good,
But not caution-to-wind romantic mood,
Beware hallow hangs heavy on the hood,
Under any raiment every man’s nude,
Ye may a Tiger be of Woods,
Beware there be babes in the woods!
________________________________________________
- Happenings | 03.12.09 |
The recent unravelling of Tiger Woods drama has spawned
a slew of jokes from what happened. After he was caught
texting to a one-night woman, he rushed out of his home
in the dead of night, chased by his enraged wife with an
iron (with which she hit him) . He tried to run away in a
car and got it crashed into a fire hydrant, and a tree,
says a police report. Following this, he kept mum for
long and then conceded his escapades with as many as
sixteen women (the count is still on) . All this and his
sabbatical from golf for an indefinite period, loss of
earnings, career, sponsorships, prestige, and what not,
and an impending divorce from his wife, form the basis
for these putty jokes. Man alas can’t be wiser till caught,
often not even thereafter. Poor Tiger of the Woods has
been reduced today facing public brick-bats, some of
which I have cast as doggerels and limericks!
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This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/17/2024 7:17:07 PM # 1.0.0.1119
Every man's nude! ! Thanks for sharing this poem with us.
Yes, nude despite his dress, well said. Thank you dear poet.