Wishes And Thoughts Poem by Andrus Cassian

I must be one to hate secrets for it's not one
that my thoughts dictate my entire entity
My thoughts wander freely like rabbits at night
touching subjects labeled in bold: 'KEEP AWAY'
And in still, all I reside in my hope tank
my very wish: to find a love all my own
In denial, I could've sworn I've found her
I could be myself, I could relieve my deepest troubles
spill my contents of my deepest fears into her ears, my novel
yet it took a single flaw on my part
simple things I just couldnt get right
My overthinking picked a fight with me and I lost
while an unknown anger kicked me when I was down
and at the curb of inquiries along with untold feelings
was I left to fend for myself, tackle my struggles without a guide
when desperately I was silently calling out for one
was I left to wait another day
debate if I needed any of this
Why can't somebody, anybody tell me, show me
All the things I need to do, hidden from me
I fall prey to lost while she falls in love with smiling apart from me
Chasm, do you have room for a tenant
What am I supposed to do
I barely manage a smile just to turn away
only wishing out that she could open her eyes and see..
Is everyday a foreshadow of the misery I endure
A perpetual happy never after mystification of my wishes
wishes and thoughts
Was I wrong to want one more time
her hand to hold and to feel her arms embrace
a temporary home for my wayward soul
now I stand miles away
knowing I'm excommunicate