Winter (2 Haiku) Poem by Ben Gieske

Winter (2 Haiku)

Rating: 2.8


cold winter morning
manure pile
freshly brewing

around the campfire
fired-up hearts
another round of song

Published in the Snowdays issue (Jan-Mar 2009) of 3Lights online. See: http: //www.threelightsgallery.com/snowdays/html

Even though these haiku were published, doesn't mean that they could not have been improved as is evident by the following changes suggested by Lillian Thomas.

manure pile
on a winter morning
freshly brewing

This removes the redundant 'cold', has a more balanced short-long-short form, and puts the manure pile in better focus.

Rearranging the second one also improves the form of this haiku and reads more smoothly.

fired-up hearts
another round of song
around the campfire

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Pheko Motaung 15 June 2014

Your haiku is marvelous to read and fabulous for the soul to savour.Thank you very much

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