Why I Walk Awake Poem by Ben Partenay

why I walk awake
is that for years I dreamt
and kept on dreaming.
seeking
answers in the quiet
of the night
and the play things
of my mind

I slept
and swept broken
bones and hearts
and eyes
and tired legs
beneath the bed
even words
I'd meant or
thought I'd meant
fell loveless to
the wood and dust
and still I slept
and slept

I spoke
unconscious of
the weight
the world holds
on dreams
"let me live"
I said, but knew
nothing
felt nothing
painted over
cracks with pictures
I'd seen others
paint and held
nothing of
myself.

then the old oak
tree, by window
that grew from
a sapling
big as my ring
finger, fifty
or a hundred
years ago
went tapping
and rattling
the glass and
frame of the
window of my
world

why I walk awake
is not the tree
or the song of
morning bird
or breath of
lover torn from
sleep, but that
my own breath
felt hollow
with my eyes
closed.