Why! Am I Still Here? Poem by SARAH WATERDOWN

Why! Am I still here? This pain just won't go away. So why am I still here? I have a had full of pills thinking if I just take them this pain would stop but I'm still here. So why! Am I still here rush to the store to buy a Razer to cut hoping the pain would just drain out. Why! Am I still here? I look in the mirror and I just hate who I have became because I became nothing! Why! Am I still here? I'm trying to hold on and fight my mental illness but it's getting harder to control. Why! Am I still here? I'm trying to hold on to what I think is a life but everything but it just keeps spinning out of control! Why! Am I still here? I go to bed praying I won't wake up but I do but why I feel like I have no purpose in life but I do in a way but I feel like it's all slipping away! Why! Am I still here? I walk on a bridges hoping I get the courage to jump off it and hoping it ends the pain I I feel every day! Why! Am I still here? Things happen and they it's my fault! And I DON'T understand. At the end of each day I wonder if this will be the I get the courage to end it so I don't I to deal with the pain with in me! ! !