Whittled Down Poem by Andrus Cassian

Whittled Down



Purposely, intentionally
enter out my reluctance and enter in a nose dive back into the past
a Samurai Jack experience
It has to be here somewhere
these long forgotten memoirs pieced together yet never mentioned
never verbally spoken nor handwritten
They were at the time impossible, unimportant
and still so, yet this is thrice now
allow me to take this monster off my chest
as I speak of someone as ancient as the dinosaurs
as ancient as the Mayans
but don't read to far into this, it's pure exaggeration
I'm a living exaggeration
What was I saying, I lost all my momentum in roaming dialogue
I forgot what the message was
so let me start over with something better
...
Anastasia, you are missed
there, done and vocalized now to be forgotten though I realize the irony in the words just uttered
She has now forgotten me
following the footsteps of past sorceresses who came to be
The trap was always the same:
twin inviting pools of shimmering light beholding the sun
the incredible urge to draw what lay behind
discovering the hurt beyond joyful exchanges
beyond the smile that could be seen 10,000 miles
The trap was always the same:
bewitching conversation, lost in wavy locks while trying to break the locks cast upon the heart
to turn from stranger to hero, everlasting embraces meets the sweet taste of lips
The trap was always the same but who cast it first is always a mystery, though the fallout is more or less always the same
Here is where I whittle down the page with fond memories of our time together if memory would serve me well
but the most bitter memories consisted of fighting, arguing, insults and accusations I can bare to live without
yet a few times like most would find me in
there were these moments where I would drop to a halt
say nothing at all, just look up with no inflection, no reflection
just stare at her, utter not a sound
catch her in my gaze and let the seconds fall as I break into a smile as she lets one pass upon her lips
the lips I've shared a kiss a lot less than I believe it now
a lot less than at the time maybe I wanted
7 hours, my longest time spent with her on a nothing day
an average Saturday, and we did nothing to make the day special
except for roundabout conversation and meaningful stares which now feel like separate lifetimes
At the time I wanted her, no one but her
no one existed...I'm lost inside my own mind now
now unintentionally, accidentally...
You'd think after years of static, after years of moving forward
after even stating emphatically I'm better off without her
she's better off without me
There's still moments where I think she's here in my vicinity
wearing the faces of clones, dopplegangers, and look alikes
and I freak out, I freak out
breakdown, I break down
my guard's down
Dang it, I just have to say it
come clean and free this pressure from my brain
I know this will never reach her
I know I will never see her one more time
I know she's gone for good, she's just like all the rest
but still, it needs to be said
Anastasia, you are missed
Anastasia, sometimes I miss you
Anastasia...I miss you

Monday, February 20, 2017
Topic(s) of this poem: miss you
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