What Have I Ever Done? : ( Poem by caz ……

As every day goes by...,
Some days I smile, some days I cry,
Some days I want to be with my bestfriend, some days I want my life to end.

Some days I feel fine, some days I wish this life wasn't mine.
I think of life as one big game, I fear that I'm losing and I'm filling with shame,

People think my life is perfect and nothing's ever wrong, Well, inside I'm really weak, although I may look strong.

Some days I want to be left alone, sometimes I don't even want to answer the phone,

Some days I can't think straight and I break down and cry, sometimes I laugh & smile, but those moments pass by.

I know something is wrong and everyday a part of me dies, When they tell me it's normal I know it's all lies,

I used to be happy, and I hardly ever cried, I would never even think of suicide.

my family just want to know what's wrong and why I feel this way, why am i being angry & got nothing to say,

ive made too many mistakes & not seem to be aware, now i cry in my room its so hard not to care when i know its all there fault n other things to dad its mostly because of you.

somedays ur happy some days ul get mad u take it out on me n yet you seem so glad, why do you like hurting me i do nothing wrong you always make want to leave and jus be gone.

I love you when your happy i hate you when your mad u used to make me smile & think i was the best girl you have ever had,

but now its like you hate me and u never want me there i would never of said anything to hurt you but stil u never seem to care.

you always seem to take it out on me n the reason y i do these thing is because i jus want to be free. I jus want to end my life without you hurting me, and yet you dont uderstand what i feel inside i take drugs to get rid of the pain, i get drunk and go insane, and yet you still want to know why? reasons why i feel the way i feel, its like you dont remember what you do to me, it is so unreal.

well guess what i am going to stop being angry because you made me feel this way, and instead of nothing now ive got something to say, ive made up my mind now Too much is happening all at the same time, all of this is way too much for my mind.

I'm not crazy; it's normal to cry, and I hope that with help, these feelings will pass by,

I want to be happy and return to my dreams, and maybe someday, I'll learn what life means.But for now the confusion tears me apart, and I don't know what's happening in my brain or my heart.