Void Within The Womb Poem by Emily Myers

pitch black and silent, i feel the ache within
a toxic mix of snow and ice, inahling on a whim
the bitterness encloses me, i cradle it with love
i cannot love what i can't have, i cannot live alone
responsibly pathetic, irrationally insane
i rock the baby in my mind, smoke the pain away
these pills no longer help me, the powder only burns
the images still haunt me, but no one really knows
bleeding on the floor i cried, alone and so afraid
with just my dying infant to understand the pain
tears and vomit mixed with blood, a maelstrom of hate
the whirlpool pulled me under and i lost her to the wave
transluscent and so fragile, her body barely formed
she came to me unintentionally, and left me without choice
i laid there in my fluids, sobbing from the ache
my baby gone forever, leaving nothing in her wake
and now the pain stays with me, a longing for the child
i almost had her, oh so close, but now i never will.
i've tried to fill the emptiness with smoke and pills and booze
but none of them can ever fill this void within my womb