Noreen Carden

Freshman - 1,118 Points (16/12/50 / Mayo)

Vision In The Night revised

Deep into the night she awakes sensing his presence
A quiet pensive aura about him
She is aware of his confusion at being in unfamiliar surroundings
lost in a world of strange sights and sounds
His hand reaches out to her clasping, holding.
Hers reaching to him whether in supplication
or trepidation She knew not.
Should he step into her world or she into his
He is hesitant, she afraid.
A shaft of light enters the room.
Thrown down by the waking sun.
A misty ethereal softness heralds the dawn.
Eyes open she sees him fade from her sight.
Was she waking from a dream or was this vision real.

Lost in dreams again, She wakes,
in between her world and his.
He stands silent like a statue hewn from white marble.
Her heart beating rapidly like the wings of a caged bird,
whose flight has been brought to a terrible end.
His lips move yet no words fill the silence.
She speaks softly not to startle him.
If i set foot in your world will i lose my own she questions.
He smiles a smile so sweet her muscle and sinew melt.
Becoming liquid and pliable as he draws her to him.
Suddenly she knows her breath would cease should she not walk by him all the days of her life.
Rising she gives him her hand all her trust poured into him.
They walked into the dawn visions of love lit their eyes.
Two souls bound together for all eternity.

Submitted: Thursday, September 12, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Topic of this poem: dreams


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Poet's Notes about The Poem

I added the second verse on Dave Walker s advice i hope people will give me feedback i am very open to all advice

Comments about this poem (Vision In The Night revised by Noreen Carden )

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  • Bronze Star - 7,163 Points Daniel Brick (4/10/2014 10:49:00 PM)

    W-O-W This the poem I have been waiting for many years! The poem possesses beautiful language, soulful emotions, measured rhythms, and it is possessed by a spirit of truth, the flesh of desire and confidence of hope. The woman in your poem experiences what John Keats called Adam's Dream, that is, when God put him in a deep sleep, he dreamed of Eve and awoke and found her in front of him. Dream plays a large role in Love, and your poem shows the interplay of the two of them. This poem has became in the course of several readings on this spring night in Minnesota one of my essential love poems. I am going to share it with those I KNOW will appreciate it. No cynics will mar its beauty, only true believers will be blessed by it. Let the exaltation begin! (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 15,138 Points Valsa George (10/30/2013 1:12:00 AM)

    A beautiful close to a beautiful dream... or life's great drama! Let the curtain never fall and let the two souls bound in love walk hand in hand to eternity's brink! Enjoyed much!
    Though the second part is an interpolation, the poem looks a composite whole and I mildly differ from Bri Edward's well meaning comments! (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 5,139 Points Khairul Ahsan (9/25/2013 10:28:00 AM)

    I want to mention here that i liked the comments of Geetha Jayakumar, Patricia Grantham, Anthony Di''anno, Pradip Chattopadhyay, Dinesh Nair, Dave Walker, Heather Wilkins and Bri Edwards (be ware of his watchful eyes!) . Thanks to you all for the lovely comments. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 5,139 Points Khairul Ahsan (9/25/2013 10:19:00 AM)

    I have read only the revised poem, didn't read it earlier. Had I not read the 'Poet's Notes', I would have thought this to be one single poem, a well narrated story. But now I think, as does Bri Edwards, that 'the first verse could well have stood alone'
    However, both the verses are excellent. The last two lines are an embodiment of two 'love lit' souls and their souls' emotions. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 4,807 Points Bri Edwards (9/18/2013 4:15:00 PM)

    i especially enjoyed the lines:

    Her heart beating rapidly like the wings of a caged bird,
    whose flight has been brought to a terrible end.

    He smiles a smile so sweet her muscle and sinew melt.
    Becoming liquid and pliable as he draws her to him.

    shall i assume she is dying to go with him and he is already departed? ? ? i wondered why she was sometimes capitalized...but not always. hmmmm?

    a very well told story indeed. enjoyed it.

    thanks for the poem and the poet note. i think the first verse could well have stood alone. BUT the second verse, added to the first, makes for a meatier story and doesn't leave the audience wondering. i don't like to have to wonder; i like things spelled out for me! thanks Noreen AND Dave. thanks for sharing. if you want some minor constructive? criticism, let me know and i will try to fit you into my criticism pile of poets-to-criticize...............but will send in a private PH message. i've already been chastised by one PH poet for criticizing in a comment. i stand chastised, with head hanging. :)) oh heck. i'll send this to MyPoemList. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,642 Points Dave Walker (9/18/2013 6:11:00 AM)

    A great add on to the poem, when I said a follow up I meant another poem, but this
    has turned out pretty well. A great write. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,553 Points Dinesh Nair (9/16/2013 7:59:00 AM)

    A vision that is more than a dream it was! A beautiful write that sounds optimistic about relations. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,639 Points Anthony Di''anno (9/15/2013 10:01:00 AM)

    Indeed Noreen, was it a dream? Maybe our waking hours are the real dream and not the other way round. Great poem. Loved it :) (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 2,582 Points Patricia Grantham (9/14/2013 8:39:00 AM)

    A poem of great intensity and feelings. I can relate to
    this poem about dreams and visions. Some things
    we can explain and some things we can't. Nice write. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 6,738 Points Geetha Jayakumar (9/12/2013 2:08:00 PM)

    Wow. Wonderful poem..It was thrilling to read all the lines...Confusion lines are beautiful..Should he step into her world or She into his....Wonderful..Loved the way you wrote.... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 31 Points John Brown (9/12/2013 1:44:00 PM)

    Gave me goosebumps! Iike the line 'Should he step into her world, or she into his'. You might like my poem 'Enigma of the Knight' (Report) Reply

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