Trouble And Strife Poem by Ernestine Northover

Hear the shouts from the market stalls,
Where the vendors with their raucous calls,
Cry, 'Roll up, Ladies. here's a bargain,
Said to all in their 'Cockney' jargon.

'Come buy it for your 'Trouble and Strife'.
Meaning, do buy it for the wife.
'Some too, for your 'Skin and Blister',
That has to be your loving Sister.

You just won't 'Adam and Eve' the price,
But do 'believe' it's good merchandise.
Perhaps you could purchase a 'Whistle and Flute',
A very smart, new and 'with it' suit.

Or maybe some'Daisy Roots' for your feet,
Some boots now for your 'Plates of Meat'.
Or how about a 'Weasel and Stoat'.
A very posh warming, winter coat.

If you decide to 'Rabbit and Pork',
Then go ahead and have a talk,
Using your very own 'North and South',
Because to speak comes from the mouth.

'Bacon and Eggs' and 'Biscuits and Cheese',
Are all about your legs and your knees.
And when you're tired use the 'Apples and Pears',
For you will find your bedroom's up the stairs.

Going to get something for your 'Manhole Cover',
Would be a present for your 'Bruvver',
Or for that very old 'Cock Sparrow',
Possibly your aged friend or barrow.

Toys are just right for the 'Teapot Lids',
That will keep busy those noisy kids,
And you could relax with a 'Linen Draper',
Reading the news from your newspaper.

To finish, how about a 'Rosie Lee',
A cup of delicious refreshing tea
Otherwise, a glass of 'Fine and Dandy',
Which is something stronger, and that's a brandy.

You may not understand one 'Dicky Bird',
For each thing, these 'Cockneys' have a word.
But don't try to get me on the 'Dog and Bone',
I'LL PHONE YOU! ! ! ! ! ! .

© Ernestine Northover