Trace A Malady Poem by Marc Mannheimer

Trace A Malady

Rating: 5.0


Trace a compulsion
back to its roots
the genesis of a mental/behavioral malady,
a kink, a spanner in the works of ones functioning.

(it began when he told me
that I take energy from people,
that I was a psychic siphon,
that I could stop doing it by centering myself) .
Not a bad thing to know, really,
if it was true.
But what do you do about something like that?
One probably shouldn’t do what I did about it –
prayed in my bedroom
upward of 10 hours a day,
stomping my feet
(stomping – for no reason I could easily explain) .
The jaw-snapping, the head jerking,
the hair-combing with my hand, the praying out loud,
came years later,
all at a time when the prayers had become less frequent,
and were now only 30 seconds, to three minutes in length.

Chronicle an adult life of imbalance,
its effects for the good
as well as for the bad,
the truth of a somnambulence,
one who walks through the world,
not quite awake.

(people did stare,
expressed concern.
Teens might laugh,
or, less frequently, yell commentary)
Three people, on separate occasions, asked me if I was epileptic.
Once a lady, who was stopped at a stop-sign, almost inched into a pedestrian,
while watching my unsettled performance on the opposite street corner.

But, I’ll tell you, it sure used to get me through the hood at night.
No one, in the hood or anywhere else, is going to hurt an ill person.


And once,
a young, tall, lithe, Pacific Island woman,
shooting photos at an art fair,
crouched to watch how I was moving my feet.
“Hmm…interesting, ” she said, and,
gauzy brown blouse, breezing in the wind,
she bounced on her way.

Did I/do I do it for attention?
Maybe I like the attention I receive,
both positive and negative
(you commoners don’t understand
the genius of my insanity) .
But, I’ve always done it just as much
when I’m alone.

Actually, the whole thing’s been dropping off
in frequency, intensity and dysfunctionality.
A rift within me, healing,
maybe I’ve felt less need to make up
for who I am.

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