To Die Watched By God Poem by Madathil Rajendran Nair

To Die Watched By God

Rating: 5.0


Intubated I lay for air
Connected to a ventilator
For many days under others’ care
At their mercy, on intravenous drip
Its bottle hanging over my head
Like a Damocles’ sword
On enteral diet tube-fed

I am past ninety
I had a minor fall when my chair tipped
Broke my femur
The X-Ray said
The reason they grabbed
And dragged me to their abattoir
“Screw up the bone” they said
“The guy should walk again
If he doesn’t, at least let us gain”

I didn’t walk, I lay
Anaesthesia walked a long way
Carrying me like a sleeping babe
And when I awoke at last
I heard them say
“The guy has fever
Send his urine for culture
Put him on a course
Of the latest germ killer
Toxic it may be, doesn’t matter
Latest is always the best”

“Oh, he has vertigo
Perhaps, the dope is yet to go
Off his system
Let us view his MRI
Don’t forget to bill him for it”

“Urine negative, brain still good
The guy now doesn’t urinate
Another tube will do him good
For the vertigo, dopes again
Good if he sleeps without pain”

The fever didn’t subside
I was carted again
For procedures gastro-intestinal
As they wanted to see
What went on inside my entrails

So dopes again over dopes and dopes
“The guy doesn’t complain
His entrails are clean
Now another issue
A lot he salivates
And aspirates, his lungs are inflamed”

“He has sores in the mouth
His gum bleeds
There are bed-sores
Groans and moans all the time
Looks like he is sinking
We have done everything
And his wallet has been drained”

“Let him go off supports
Parameters are good even though
Age perhaps is taking its toll
Isn’t ninety a nice number to go”

“Give him palliative care
For the pain morphine
God will take further care
We will just wait, inform all who care”

So here I am, gasping for breath
God-forsaken, morphine helps
In daily increasing doses
Till such time my heart or breathing stops
Euthanasia of sorts
A word the world detests

When awareness rays in
Through desultory holes
On the roof of pitch darkness
How I long I was dying
A natural death in my village home

Coiled on a mat on the floor
Aches flowering on my brittle bones
Like a dog or cat, bird or rat
Watched by God from all the sides
As shadows play on uneven walls
A cuckoo sings a solitary song
Rain and sun play hide and seek
Refereed by the whistling wind

Oh God if thine other name
Is Consciousness, light those things
For a while, so I breathe my last in aches
With a smile flowering on my face

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Kelly Kurt 04 October 2015

Wow. Very moving and profound. You have an expert way of drawing the reader deep into the scene. After I finished reading, I needed to snap out of the serious mood I was in, and a line from an old comedy show popped into my heard. The doctor said, It's nothing that a very expensive round of treatments can't prolong. : -) Thank you for sharing, Madathil

1 0 Reply
Kumarmani Mahakul 04 October 2015

Really very amazing poem shared with life experience. With a smile flowering on my face this interestingly gives idea about wise sharing. Nice pone...10

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Abdulrazak Aralimatti 04 October 2015

Oh God if thine other name Is Consciousness, light those things For a while, so I breathe my last in aches With a smile flowering on my face Verily, the concluding stanza depicts the true psyche of a ninety year old... . ..........10

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Valsa George 04 October 2015

What a wonderful narration! The agony of a helpless ninety year old is so vividly demonstrated before the readers. With the old man, I felt I too was undergoing all those procedures. The fate of a man whose last days are being prolonged by a supportive system is just horrible! It does no good other than draining the wallet! How better it is to die a quiet death in one's own home as you have rightly put it; How I long I was dying A natural death in my village home Coiled on a mat on the floor Aches flowering on my brittle bones Like a dog or cat, bird or rat Watched by God from all the sides Top marks! !

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R.c. Nair 05 October 2015

To die in peace and without pain is a gift of God! Well written.

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Bri Edwards 16 October 2016

Latest is always the best” .............I like this line. It gave me a bit of a laugh! would this be sarcasm? i'm not good at knowing symbolism or its name. oh, i guess sarcasm isn't symbolism, or is it? ha ha? ? ? “Perhaps, the dope is yet to go” ………careful what you write when lots of Americans will be reading! I at first thought “dope” as in a stupid/foolish person [it can mean something like that], but then I figured it meant medication, though I think over in the u.s. “dope” refers usually to illegal drugs, not prescribed medicine. “dope” may also refer to “information”, as in “give us the dope on that”, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not checking definitions now. Actually, I’m trying to do a quick job writing this comment; I may return again. “We have done everything And his wallet has been drained” “ ………………….good timing! ! ! “Euthanasia of sorts A word the world detests” ………I, bri, love the word “euthanasia”! I think it should be widely and liberally available. Euthanasia AND suicide, assisted or not; I do suggest counseling first! I read just yesterday that in ‘ancient Rome’, persons could ask the Senate(?) to allow them to commit suicide, using poison which the Senate would then supply. BUT, for ‘good reasons’, slaves, soldiers, and one other class of people were ‘NOT allowed’ to commit suicide. Now, I have undergone two (2) ‘mental health arrests’ in adulthood just for mentioning the possibility that I would take advantage of a suicide option in my future. I was arrested by police (both times at my job as a post office window clerk) and taken for brief stays in a hospital emergency room. What a waste of people’s time! But it WAS INTERESTING FOR ME, and maybe for ‘them ‘ as well. Favorite lines so far: “Coiled on a mat on the floor Aches flowering on my brittle bones Like a dog or cat, bird or rat Watched by God from all the sides As shadows play on uneven walls A cuckoo sings a solitary song Rain and sun play hide and seek Refereed by the whistling wind” Bedtime for Bri! Bri :) ===================================================== 100th Birthday [missed By 'Mom']...... [short; My Mom; Death; Serious But Not Sad] - Poem by Bri Edwards Well Mom missed this day by almost nine years. At ninety-one(?) we escorted her from this “veil of tears”. But no tears I had the June day she passed. Her will was NOT to live just in order to “last”. She’d actually tried to end her life three years before, but by bad timing and stomach-pumping she missed Death’s Door. Then again she found herself in a hospital, ailing, in 2005 (?) . My sister and I pushed a “morphine drip” till she was no longer alive. Rest In Peace, dear Mom. [December 30,1913-June 20(?) ,2005(?) ] (December 30,2013)

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Jaishree Nair 06 July 2016

S sensitive thread well defined. Every minute detail beautifully captured.yet another masterpiece. Thanks

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Jaishree Nair 06 July 2016

Gadgets to support our system and after finally emptying our pockets leaving to the mercy of God.A minute detaiex

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Amitava Sur 08 November 2015

A very thought provoking penning being done after a lot of observations. Liked the minute detailing after a thorough observation.

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Rajesh Thankappan 18 October 2015

Many a hospital with the sole motive of minting money bleeds a patient through his nose. Even if the patient recovers from his disease, he is left with the distress of having burnt a hole in his pocket.

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