Time Doesn'T Heal Poem by Diana van den Berg

As I told you
on Sunday afternoon, Flicka,
while tending your tree and your flowers,
tomorrow it will be three years
since you died with your head in my arms
... and I can feel every aching moment
just as it was then.

As you know,
my tears haven’t stalled
and my heart
is still scraped raw and empty
just as the big yellow grader
scraped your gaping grave.

Today is a holiday
and I can sob my body hollow
at home
with Tigger and Daisy,
but tomorrow I must face
colleagues and clients
with a bright and breezy smile,
all day.

I said to an animal-lover colleague yesterday,
“On Thursday it will be three years
since my horse died”
and she said something sympathetic
but she can’t know what it is
to lose you
my darling, darling horse.

They say “Time heals”
but they
just
don’t
know
- but then, I don’t want it to heal
for without our beautiful bond
and without all our daily conversations
I would be a raving idiot,
but the pain is so hard to bear.
At least you are safe in Heaven
and I am trying so hard to be good
so that we can meet again.

(7 April 2005)