This Is Your Captain Speaking Poem by Matt Mooney

‘This is your Captain speaking’
The voice ground out with gravity.
I suddenly sat up straight in my seat
To hear what was the calamity!
Yes, we had ascended successfully,
Levelled off and headed for London-
But we seemed to be lacking in thrust
So my feelings were somewhat deflated.
‘We have been told by Shannon control
That a hatch has been left open’
Oh Lord our God I said ‘What? ’
And he added ‘There’s no safety risk
At all and we are returning to Shannon’.
As he turned around there wasn’t a sound
Nor a sight of our pretty hostesses.

I thought of the news at five seven live
And cast the bad thought from my mind;
After all of this crisis without any crash
We had our hatch shut up in Shannon.

Beside me sat a young businessman,
With a hint of a beard of maturity,
Who had been asleep quite oblivious;
But on the second time round
He awoke back on the ground
And I told him of all that had happened.

Needless to say he was taken aback,
Thinking he was landed safely in England;
So we laughed at our lot as airborne we got
While the Captain made up for delaying us!
And all of a sudden the staff reappeared
To serve tea from behind the drawn curtains
And instead of landing in London at five
We were happy we landed at half-past-alive!