This Is Not Over Poem by Natasha Hochar

What encompasses me is this
I am entangled and estranged
A moment in a dimension of bliss
Is now so strangled and so changed.

I bid my final ode to thee
My perfect retribution to the past
This final code is purely me
To you my first, this is the last.

Here is what I must allege
Without fear of reluctant acceptance
This struggling symphony of a dead pledge
Brings my ears to an immortal grievance.

Arms so wide but eyes so somber
Take thy image and let it burn
Guilt inside, and lies so umber
Break and ravage until no return.

Falling in and out of personalities
Heals no ache that lives within
Crawling back to rationality
Feels too fake to be remotely akin.

My first and only guide forever
Has taken a final bow
Leaving a crumbling part so severed
In anguished confusion and undefinable row.

That world of filtered perceptions
Has shown me more than meets thine eyes
And those same eyes have shown me perfection
That's been blown so far into the lies.

The kingdom falls, the word's been spoken
The story's been told without an end
I bring the walls to a garden now broken
Goodbye, my playmate my only friend.

This is what encompasses me.
I am manic and deranged
You child of stars, you've lessened me
To damned panic now forever unchanged.

A thin line between recreation and abuse
Disappears when I chase those pleasure away
A dim time has arrived to station the blues
Such lively fears haunt every attempt to stay.

This is what sings away my hours.
Hands dancing to one melody of thoughts
Skin on skin being savagely devoured
Green fields and churches in distant spots.

Scenes vivid as the sky of our hiding place
Roll in my mind like film on screen
A sun around an iris in shades of amber embrace
A brown spot stuck near a pupil on the green.

Morning and all its godly glory still shines
But no more does it sparkle in the same hue
I am encompassed in what used to be mine
I am entangled and estranged by you.

This is what encompasses me.
This is what now filters my perception.
This is what encompasses me.
This is my dark and undiluted dimension.

The land awaits to be discovered
By Lethe, that mystical reverie
Till then, no hand shall touch and uncover
What brought peace to my memory.

This is what encompasses me.
This is what encompasses me.
This is what encompasses me.
And I shall be encompassed forever more.