This Is A Passenger Announcement Poem by Valerie Laws

'This train has a no smoking policy. In addition,
Coach C has been allocated as a quiet coach, in which
Mobile phones and personal stereos are not allowed.
Passengers who suck their fingers, one by one,
With noisy and overtly sexual relish
After eating crisps
Are asked to use Coach E; while those travelling
With bright, overstimulated children talking
Particle physics in piercing high pitched voices,
Are advised Coach H is designated for their use.
Coach I is for passengers who ingest
Their own bodies, viz. cuticles, fingernails, nose linings,
Spleens etc. May I remind such passengers the buffet
Is open for the sale of hot snacks and beverages,
Marginally more nutritious and vastly more profitable.
Obese passengers intending to wobble or sweat
Are asked to use Coaches J and K, and further,
To refrain from blocking the aisles. All window seats
Are reserved for passengers who will be noticing
The late sun igniting the hawthorn berries, silvering
The rose bay willow herb seed fluff, and turning to amber
The occasional basking fox. Thank you.'