The Unsophisticated Proctologist Poem by Spock the Vegan

It was a magnificent and stupendous day
except for an internal irritation.
I went to a proctologist to get a diagnosis.
He asked ‘Have you had any constipation? '

I said ‘No, only intra-intestinal extension.'
He said ‘Get up on the table
and I will do an examination.'
Suddenly there was a spontaneous eruption
of the internal inflammation irritation.

He said ‘My, what an intense and putrid odor -
You should have gone to a gastroenterologist.'
I was flabbergasted at his lack of sophistication.
I said ‘But doc, I have been abstentious.'

He said ‘You are suffering from faecal encephalopathy.'
‘What can I do - was it something that I ate? '
He winked at the nurse and then replied,
‘Just stop eating beans and take bismuth subsalicylate.'