The Queen And I Poem by Phil Soar

Sometimes my mind works overtime
And the thoughts make perfect sense
If only in my tiny mind
And at my own expense

I can be really foolish
And behave like a kid
Occasionally I am horrified
By the things I sometimes did

And yet I forget instantly
The things that I should not
I should learn from these episodes
But instead I lose the plot

My life's a sort of comic book
With faux pas I'm not proud of
Like when I sang, while the opera played
And so pissed all the crowd off

Of many errors of my ways
The worst was yet to come
I thought it really funny
To show the queen my bum

At the trooping of the colour
As her Majesty passed by
I drop my kegs and underwear
I really don't know why

I can tell she wasn't that impressed
With my pure white derriere
She didn't see that I'd undressed
And didn't seem to care

Prince Philip, on the other hand
Was not impressed at all
And shouted some obscenities
As he pinned me to the wall

You would have thought, at ninety three
He wasn't all that fit
I guess he just assaulted me
Because he thought Id' do a sh*t!