The Pillage Hangman - Parody Longfellow - The Village Blacksmith Poem by Jonathan ROBIN

Under a spreading chestnut tree
The village smithy stands;
The Smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.

His hair is crisp, and black, and long,
His face is like the tan;
His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He earns whate'er he can
And looks the whole world in the face
For he owes not any man.

Week in, week out, from morn till night,
You can hear his bellows blow;
You can hear him swing his heavy sledge,
With measured beat and slow,
Like a sexton ringing the village bell,
When the evening sun is low.

And children coming home from school
Look in at the open door;
They love to see the flaming furge,
And hear the bellows roar,
And catch the burning sparks that fly
Like chaff from a threshing floor.

He goes on Sunday to the church
and sits among his boys;
He hears the parson pray and preach.
He hears his daughter's voice
singing in the village choir,
And it makes his heart rejoice.

It sounds to him like her mother's voice,
Singing in Paradise!
He needs must think of her once more,
How in the grave she lies;
And with his hard, rough hand he wipes
A tear out of his eyes.

Toiling, -rejoicing, -sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.

Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought!

Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW
___________________
The Pillage Hangman

Under the heading ‘Sentence Just’
the spreading news informed
the sceptics, partisans, non plussed,
that past are Desert Storms
as dust to dust returns – which warmed
hearts though Bagdad’s gone bust.

Fair trial spun to election eve
fell on deaf ears for most, -
who fooled was, and who would deceive,
writ up by Fox, Times, Post.
Will Sauron Saddam’s idle boast
lie still with few to grieve?

Two lawyers for defence before
their leader met their fate,
but Justice, blind, the clothing tore
from strangers at the gate –
No mercy to anticipate -
- the same make, break the law.

Under a leafless green zone tree
the curdled hangman stands
the Kurd, a narrow man is he,
with Halliburton hands;
his captive's Chaineyed iron bands,
prey oily policy.

Five times a day, on Friday, pray,
lost leader homes destroyed,
his motto - ‘bag a dad a day’ -
he honestly enjoyed.
The next in line – he who employed
our hangman of today?

It sounds to him his mother's voice,
singing in Paradise
inspires jihad - the gravest choice
is spurred by need for rice, -
no tears, don’t think about it twice -
crossed keyword calls … rejoice!

The gibbet like the tree itself
was built from root to crown
by contract – golden handshake pelf
for 'count…Tree' Root and Brown.
Soon both unChaineyed tumbling down
will fall from well oiled shelf.

The Bushy hair once crisp, and black,
turns grey, his Texas tan,
his brow, flow wet with nervous sweat,
he steals whate’er he can.
All bet his life span also ran -
regrets may clan beget.

Though Florida's election tags
nudged Bush ahead, his lies
came home to roost in body bags -
eight thousand sightless eyes -
no Gore, yet gore, rags, mo[u]rning cries!
the irony: time lags.

Weak kneed, needs strong, from morn till night,
one hears from minaret
the call resound, unsound ‘tis found
on Sunni days and wet.
I RACK, I RAN - the scene is set
last watch will be unwound.

Under a spreading dark chador
wild women come and go,
in sable robe all set their store
while wailings overflow
from deep despair and worldly care
with fresh, sectarian gore.

Some children coming home from school
looked on sad, damnèd beard,
the burning Bush tries keeping cool
as army highly geared
prepares partitionned future feared
Kurd, Sunni, Shia ghoul.

Some kids, from segregated school,
in hate stared, some in awe,
some spat, some sat a'wilting, drooled,
while others cried for more
Democracy – which means restore
the Sharia harsh and cruel.

Some dream of mortars falling nigh,
some hear the cannon roar,
some catch the burning sparks that fly
from mass destruction’s maw,
some - scattered chaff from threshing floor -
lie silent, others cry.

Some dream of martyrdom enshrined,
not candle, book, and bell,
where blind shall never lead the blind
where crosses signal hell,
where all bid Blair, Brown, Bush farewell
with ninety lashes signed.

Toiling, rejoicing, - sorrowing,
onward through life each goes;
Each morning sees sore borrowing
each evening, ‘seize, foreclose! ’
One wonders what earns night’s repose
with hangman’s turn to swing?

Under the spotlit mobile phone
both shame and blame were found,
with insults hurled in taunting tone
before he hit the ground.
Excuses lame all must bemoan
sound judgement proves unsound.

Thanks, thanks to you, true dangling friend
for the lesson you have taught
as at life’s flaming forge you bend
the noose where mortals, caught,
see fortunes fall whose rise they thought
would time and tide transcend.

As time and rhyme spin on we see
elections drawing near,
some turn towards posterity
campaigns all out of gear,
all ask what judgement hangs next year
no Hillary set free.

Though Surge pushed back Bush judgement day
it cannot stem Fate's tide,
'divide and rule' - Time's fool in play -
will end to coincide
with Oil major's cash margins wide,
Lebanese disarray.

There is no U.S. army left
to flush from Myanmar
the Junta of ethics bereft,
to China's rising star
too hitched, which rescue teams would bar,
fork tongue and palate cleft,

While oil nears U.S. dollars four
a gallon many feel
a pinch which cuts them to the core,
foreclosing options steel.
Spin pent_a_gon[e] would lies conceal
but most blame D.C. more.

From running water fresh deprived
Iraqis struggle on
as some are tortured, others knived,
as those in Washington
impeachement fear, chicks roost return,
J.A.G's duly tried.

Guantanamo and Ghraib have led
Habeus Corpus suspended,
while Clinton dreams of White House bed
phone rings at 3 - dream ended
by superdelegates suspended
on Barack's lips ahead.

It's back to barracks! Clinton, Bush,
by history entombed,
yet outlook's poor, - no future cush -
for victory assumed
turns turtle, global warming [g]loomed
can greet no winning push.

Christ, Moslem, Jew, three creeds descend
which civil war’s strung taut,
no longer arab, kurd, may blend
as populace distraught
finds hammer, anvil, to book brought, -
like rhyme drawn to due end.


© Jonathan Robin Parody written 10 November 2006 and 20 January 2007, revised and expanded 9 May 2008 for previous version see below followed by the original by Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW 1807_1882 The Village Blacksmith and other parodies

_____________________

The Pillage Hangman initial version

Under the heading ‘Sentence Just’
the spreading news informs
the sceptics, partisans, non plussed,
that past are Desert Storms
as dust to dust returns – which warms
hearts though Bagdad’s gone bust.

Fair trial spun to election eve
fell on deaf ears for most, -
who fooled was, and who would deceive,
writ up by Fox, Times, Post.
Will Sauron Saddam’s idle boast
lie still with few to grieve?

Two lawyers for defense before
their leader met there fate,
but Justice, blind, the clothing tore
from strangers at the gate –
No mercy we anticipate -
- the same make, break the law.

Under a leafless green zone tree
the curdled hangman stands
the Kurd, a narrow man is he,
with Halliburton hands;
his prisoner, bound in iron bands,
sways, prey of U.S. polity.

The gibbet like the tree itself
Is built from root to crown
by contract – golden handshake pelf
for count…tree Root and Brown.
Soon both unChaineyed tumbling down
will fall from well oiled shelf.

His hair is crisp, and black, and short,
his face is like the tan,
his brow flows wet with nervous sweat,
he steals whate’er he can.
All bet his life span also ran -
regrets may clan beget.

Weak kneed, needs strong, from morn till night,
one hears from minaret
the call resound, unsound ‘tis found
on Sunni days and wet.
I rack, I ran - the scene is set
as last watch is unwound.

Under a spreading dark chador
wild women come and go,
in sable robe all set their store
while wailings overflow
from deep despair and worldly care
with fresh, sectarian gore.

The children coming home from school
look on sad, damnèd beard,
the burning Bush tries keeping cool
as army highly geared
prepares partitionned future feared
Kurd, Sunni, Shiite ghoul.

Some children coming home from school
in hate stare, some in awe,
some spit, some wilt, some sit, some drool,
while others cry for more
Democracy – which means restore
the Sharia harsh and cruel.

Some dream of mortars falling nigh,
some hear the cannon roar,
some catch the burning sparks that fly
from mass destruction’s maw,
some scattered chaff from threshing floor
lie silent, others cry.

Some dream of martyrdom enshrined,
not candle, book, and bell,
where blind shall never lead the blind
where crosses signal hell,
where all bid Blair and Bush farewell
with ninety lashes signed.

Five times a day, on Friday, pray,
lost leader homes destroyed,
his motto - ‘bag a dad a day’ -
he honestly enjoyed.
The next in line – he who employed
our hangman of today?

It sounds to him his mother's voice,
singing in Paradise
inspires jihad - the gravest choice
is spurred by need for rice, -
no tears, don’t think about it twice -
the keyword shines … rejoice!

Toiling, rejoicing, - sorrowing,
onward through life each goes;
Each morning sees sore borrowing
each evening, ‘seize, foreclose! ’
One wonders what earns night’s repose
with hangman’s turn to swing?

Under the spotlit mobile phone
both shame and blame are found,
with insults hurled in taunting tone
before he hit the ground.
Excuses lame all must bemoan
sound judgement proves unsound.

Thanks, thanks to you, true dangling friend
for the lesson you have taught
as at life’s flaming forge you bend
the noose where mortals, caught,
see fortunes fall whose rise they thought
would time and tide transcend.

Christ, Moslem, Jew, three creeds descend
which civil war’s strung taut,
no longer arab, kurd, may blend
as populace distraught
finds hammer, anvil, to book brought, -
like rhyme drawn to due end.

© Jonathan Robin Parody written 10 November 2006 and 20 January 2007
Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW 1807_1882 The Village Blacksmith

_________________

Die Walküre

Under a spreading forest tree
The house of Hunding stands:
The host a hasty man is he
And heavy with his hands;
It’s pretty horrible to be
Pursued by Hundings bands.

But this is Siegmund’s fate, who turns
Up at his very door;
For Hunding’s captive wife he yearns,
It’s mutual – furthermore,
Before the evening’s passed he learns
He’s met the girl before.

While hubby settles for the night,
Prepared at dawn to clash,
Sieglinde shows a sword stuck tight
Into the sheltering ash;
To pull it out is Siegmund’s right!
He does – and then they dash.

Meanwhile, above, domestic strife
Attends the gods’ debate,
For Wotan gave the pair their life
And longs to bless their fate;
But Fricka, Archetypal Wife,
Upholds the married state.

So winged Brünnhilde erst rehearsed
Young Siegmund’s life to save,
Is told: ‘Let Hunding do his worst!
His foe is in the grave.’
But rashly she prefers the first
Instructions Wotan gave …

Alas! His spear, with fatal force,
Shatters the ash-hewn sword;
This leaves pour Siegmund dead, of course,
And Poor Sieglinde floored;
But, hoisted on Brünnhilde’s horse,
To rally she’s implored.

For since the lovely girl’s in whelp,
To cheer her up is vital,
Brünnhilde’s sisters aren’t much help
(Valkyrie of the title) :
They merely rush around and yelp,
Awaiting crime’s requital.

Yes, poor Brünnhilde’s forced to pay
By her impassioned sire;
He will not take her life away
But lights an instant fire!
Inside its circle she must stay,
Asleep where non can spy’er.

Intruders won’t disturb her kip,
Unless Sieglinde’s son –
If brn – between the flames might slip …
She clearly sees the fun
Involved in this relationship –
A most peculiar one.

But what is it to us if aunts
Their nephew would embrace?
And anyway, as yet the chance
Is distant; slow the pace
Of unrelenting circumstance
That shadows Wotan’s race.

Mary HOLTBY Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW – The Village Blacksmith and Die Walküre

_________________

The Village Boyhood

Beneath the village chestnut
The village boyhood stands
With bright and eager faces
And filthy knees and hands.

Their stones and sticks and faggots
They cast them heaven-high
To fall in various places
And wound the passers-by.

The prickly treasures tumble,
The shining spoils are shown,
And each one clouts his neighbour
And calls the prize his own.

They pierce the taken trophies
That have no lure for age,
And string them for the contests
That once I used to wage.

The battles I engaged in
I now shall fight no more,
I muse on other chestnuts
That fell from boughs of yore;

Till sinks the autumn twilight
And distant fields grow gray,
The fun, the filth, the fighting
Are over for the day;

Till sinks the autumn twilight
And lonely on the lea
And looking somewhat battered
Remains the unconkered tree.

Edmund Valpy KNOX 1881_1971
Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW The Village Blacksmith
The Shopping Mall Dentist

Under the blinking fluorescent lights
The drunken Dentist weaves;
A drunken rube in rubber tights,
whose liquid lunch upheaves;
His grin is one of many fights
Left hollow by tavern thieves.

His hair recedes on balding head,
His face a weathered prune;
His brow protrudes like swollen dead,
He hasn't been paid since June;
He ducks his creditors with mounting dread,
He owes then all but the moon.

Day in day out from dawn till dusk,
you can hear his patients scream;
Like a wino wearing fermenting musk,
The nausea he creates is supreme;
And if you should see his one good tusk,
You'll hope that it's all a bad dream.

His techs crawling in from the window sill
They nosily peer in his room;
They love to see his sparking drill,
Where his patients await with gloom;
Like Joan Of Arc waiting to grill,
And Pompeii awaiting its doom.

He goes on Mondays to the track
And bets on ponies to show;
He hears the announcer suddenly hack,
“The horses are ready to go! ”
Martini in hand the race off with a crack,
His horse wouldn’t run with a tow.

He’s lost everything but his boxer shorts
And ends up in jail on a frame;
He met one of his old drinking cohorts,
But couldn’t remember his name;
It turned out the guy was a pick pocket of sorts
who worked the crowd and fingered the dentist with blame.

Extracting – drilling - drinking,
Onward through patients he wailed;
Every morning without even thinking,
Some poor slob’s tongue he impaled;
When morale of his patients was sinking,
He'd gas them until they were nailed.

Thanks, but no thanks my hammered friend
For offering to slaughter my tooth;
Because at the spit bowl near the end,
I reckon I realize the truth;
You’re more concerned with Beefeater’s gin
With an olive and splash of vermouth!

Author Unknown Shy Lady Laurie 2001
Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW – The Village Blacksmith

_____________
The Village Burglar

Under a spreading gooseberry bush the village burglar lies,
The burglar is a hairy man with whiskers round his eyes
And the muscles of his brawny arms keep off the little flies.

He goes on Sunday to the church to hear the Parson shout.
He puts a penny in the plate and takes a pound note out
And drops a conscience-stricken tear in case he is found out.

Parody UN known Author 0259 Longfellow The Village Blacksmith
___________

The Village Hangman

The hangman's tryst with dreaded death
Comes as an alarum clangs;
He finds law's business very grim -
The human's horrid pangs!
Date with eternity on a limb
Is set - thy sinner hangs!


BRODIE Richard Allen 1942_20xx Anagram Parody Longfellow The
Village Blacksmith

_____________

The Village Beauty

Under a spreading Gainsborough hat
The village beauty stands,
A maiden very fair to see,
With tiny feet and hands,
As stately, too, as if she owned
The squire’s house and lands.

Her hair is golden brown and long,
Her brow is like the snow,
Her cheeks are like the rosy flush
Left by the sunset’s glow,
She greets the lads with a careless look,
She’s the village belle, you know.

Week in, week out, at morn and night,
The young miller comes each day;
“’Tis the nearest way to town, ” he says,
But ‘tis rather out of his way,
And every night he seems to have
Plenty of time to stay.

And children, coming home from school,
Look in at the door and know
That the handsome fellow by her side
Is pretty Nellie’s beau,
Who can hardly tear himself away
When he finds its time to go.

He goes on Sundays to the Church,
And sits in his proper pew,
But his eyes wander off to the transept near,
Where he sees a charming view,
For Nellie sits there, in her Sunday best,
With her bonnet of palest blue.

He hears the parson pray and preach
With his outward ear alone,
For he only listens for Nellie’s voice,
And responds in a dreamy tone,
And when she smiles at the carpenter near,
He can’t suppress a groan.

Despairing, hoping, fearing,
Onward thro’ life he goes;
Each morning he sees Nellie,
And each evening, at its close;
She even haunts him sleeping,
And disturbs his night’s repose.

Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught;
Thus at the flirting time of life
Our fortunes may be wrought,
So we cannot be too careful
Over every word and thought!

Author Unknown pseud L.P. The Dunheved Mirror Cornwall March 1880
Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW The Village Blacksmith

_______________

The Splendid Bankrupt

BEING A HINT TO OUR LEGISLATORS AND A REMINDER TO THE OFFICIAL RECEIVER

Under its spreading bankruptcy
The village mansion stands;
Its lord, a mighty man is he,
With large, broad-acred lands;
And the laws that baulk his creditors
Are strong as iron bands.

His laugh is free and loud and long,
His dress is spick-and-span;
He pays no debt with honest sweat,
He keeps whate'er he can,
And stares the whole world in the face,
For he fears not any man.

Week in, week out, from morn till night,
Prince-like he runs the show;
And a round of social gaieties
Keeps things from getting slow
As the agent of his wife, of course,
His credit's never low.

His children, coming back from school,
Bless their progenitor,
Who's ruffling at the yearly rate
Of fifteen thou. or more,
Nor care they how his victims fly
To the workhouse open door.

He goes on Sunday to the church
With all whom he employs,
To hear the parson pray and preach,
Condemning stolen joys;
It falls like water off his back
His conscience ne'er annoys.

Scheming, promoting, squandering,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some ' deal ' begun,
Each evening sees it close;
Some coup attempted, some one ' done, '
Has earned a night's repose.

Thanks, thanks, to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus in the busy City life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus does the Splendid Bankrupt thrive
While honest fools get nought!

Arthur A. SYKES

___________

The Village Idiot

Under the chewing chestnut mare
the village idiot stands.
(The idiot's height is normal, but
the horse is forty hands.
Its mass/ bone-section ratio
requires great iron bands

like splints in place along its legs,
so it stands beneath the strain.
Its brow is wet with equine sweat,
unless it may be rain.
It looks the whole world in the face.
It has a horse's brain.

Week in, week out, from morn till night
you can hear it puff and blow.
It has such trouble standing up
it cannot really go.
The locals, out of sympathy,
prefer to call it 'slow'.)

And children coming home from school
look in at the open door.
They see the idiot standing there
all bruised and hurt and sore,
for every time the mare moves foot
it kicks him to the floor.

He goes on Sunday to the church,
and sits among the boys.
He hears the parson rave and rant;
to him it is just noise.
He smiles as children pull his hair
and hit him with their toys.

It feels to him like his mother's hand
coming from Paradise!
He thinks of lying on the floor,
kicked as he tried to rise,
and how her hard rough hand would wipe
consciousness from his eyes.

Gazing - rejoicing - sorrowing,
onward through life he goes;
each morning sees some task begin,
like trying to count his toes;
a hopeless task when, to this day,
he cannot count his nose.

Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
for bringing with such force
the lesson that the villagers
will hurt without remorse
one of their own with weaknesses,
but are kindly to a horse.

Parody UN known Author 0261
Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW The Village Blacksmith
_______________

The Village Blacksmith as He Is

Under the spreading chestnut tree
The village blacksmith stands
The smith an awful cad is he
With very dirty hands
For keepers and the rural police
He doesn’t care a hang
He swears and fights, and whops his wife
Gets drunk whene’er he can
In point of fact, our village smith’s
A very awful man.

He goes on Sundays to the pub
With other festive boys
When drinking beer and goes of rum
His precious time employs
Till he gets drunk, and going home
He makes no end of noise
Then, with his poor half-starving wife
He in a passion flies
He pulls her by the hair, from off
The bed on which she lies
And kicks her round the room, and says
Bad things about her eyes.

Smoking, soaking, bullying
Onward through life he goes
Each morning sees a blackened eye
Or else a broken nose
I fear that within the County Goal
Calcraft* his life will close
Thanks, thanks to thee, thou black blacksmith
For the lessons thou hast taught
By Calcraft, or his deputy
I never will be caught
And to that end I’ll never do
The thing I hadn’t ought.

* Calcraft was the official executioner from 1829 to 1879
pseud Figaro Programme 5 February 1873
Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW The Village Blacksmith
______________

Potted Poems Longfellow

My name is Norval. On the Grampian hills
The village smithy stands;
His breast is bare, his matted hair
Was wrecked on the pitiless Goodwin sands,
And by him sported on the green
His little grandchild, Wilhelmine.

Author Unknown 0168
Parody Henry Wadsworth LONGFELLOW – The Village Blacksmith
and Parody William WORDSWORTH