The Hypothetical Tiger Poem by Sheena Blackhall

A hypothetical tiger
Walked into my work today.
It didn't even knock.
How it got past my alarm I can't imagine.

I gave a hypothetical scream
And immediately jumped on the table.
Who let it in?
Who let it out?
Would it be p.c. to trap it?
Should I phone for a Pizza man
To come and feed it?

Maybe I should befriend it?
Would it use the office bin as a litter tray?
Would it make a scratching post of the computer?
If I stood stock still, not breathing,
Would this prowler think I was dead,
The growler that sprang from my head?

Tigers on stamps can be licked and sent through the mail.
Cartoon tigers are funny as Bugs, the Easter Bunny.
Plastic whiskered ones make splendid prizes
Or cushions for whimsical bums.

This one jumped from the jungle
Of neural transmitters
Disjointed synaptic clefts
And rivers of serotonin you could drown in...
A crackerjack of a frisker.

I flick my whip and he leaps hypothetical hoops
Cat scans knew he was there
This tiger glowed like Blake's
Which burned so bright
It almost set fire to the page.

Mine, roars like a diesel train
As he thunders out of his cage!