The Hero's Hero Poem by Gabrielle Ciarann Roniyah Baer

He was the one I never questioned would be there,
the one I never expected would go
so far I can't find him now.
and I can't.

He was the one I never thought of as mortal,
the one I believed in no matter
what seemed to come between
but he's died.

He was the one who was truly heroic,
giving every beat of his heart,
giving every gleam in his eye,
giving more than half of his life
giving up his life, and people call me a savior?

He was more than I have the wit,
or the heart to tell,
He was more than I have the words,
or the reason to know,
He brought the wit and the heart,
He brought the words
and the reason back into my life
so many times.

How can I tell him?
How can I tell anyone?
The hollowness, the howling, aching, raging grief I feel
The helpless, numbing, mindless, voiceless loss I feel.
Just to call him friend, which he was so much,
or even brother, which he was so much more than,
or even more than that is not enough,
cannot be enough, will never be enough.

So, I suppose I can only say: He...was *my* hero.

(written in September,1999)