The 'body Size Advantages' Quartette.....[long; Human Body Size And Behavior; Humor? ] Poem by Bri Edwards

The Advantages of Being Fat

Some may laugh when they read this title,
since for many American females (and males) slimness is an idol.
I admit a fat figure doesn't make me smile;
I'm attracted more easily, physically, to the anorexic style.
I know not all will think the same,
and some may think my thinking's lame,
but I believe it's true for both fat men and women
that in their lives less breaks they're given.

I don't mean grossly obese like a hippo,
but with REALLY BIG love handles, not just a ripple.
I myself could stand to lose some pounds.
It's not as easy as to some it sounds.

But I've taken up the task so now I must
speak of 'Advantages' of being fat. It's that or bust.:
Being fat can help anchor you in a storm,
and extra layers of fat in winter helps to keep you warm.
On a bus you can hold more stuff on your lap,
and few would dare to give your face a slap.
You can forge your way right through a crowd
and command attention without being loud.
You can push open doors that are heavy or stuck
and rock out of a muddy rut your pickup truck.
You can set a bowl of ice cream on your belly while in bed,
then, later, after ice cream, offer your navel-cushion to your lover's head.

Well I guess those are the 'Advantages' I can think of now.
A little applause would be nice when I take my bow.

The Advantages of Being Slender

When I think of someone, male or female, who is slender,
I picture someone who drinks each meal from a blender.
For breakfast there's wheat germ mixed with yogurt and with cherry juice.
For lunch almonds and prunes all chopped well, but not very loose.
Supper boasts broccoli, yams, and small portions of a goose.
(Snacks are juices of celery and carrots, and kiwi and peach.)

In America we often hear the 'benefits of being slender',
yet McDonalds feeds more people than are fed from a blender.
It's no wonder. To hear how many are poor in U.S. is quite a shock,
while McDonalds, with its dollar menu, is found on many a block.
But I must start listing 'Advantages of Being Slender', as I watch my clock.
(I'll try to be honest and from the truth not far reach.)

I'm not referring to people who are nearly just bones and skin,
but those without love handles. Call them not skinny, but thin.
I mean like Cher in her twenties, and perhaps President Obama;
those staring from fashion magazine covers, not a fat mama.

Though things have changed in this country from when I was growing,
I believe men and women often 'do better' when less fat is showing.
It may not be 'cause and effect'. Could it be my imagination?
But perhaps those who are thinner get 'better' jobs in this nation.

And just carrying less weight gives them more space
as they participate daily in our human race.
They've more room in store aisles, airline seats, and in bed,
and less reason, when the elevator arrives, to a-lack-of-space dread.

They can have more choices and maybe spend less money when shopping for clothes.
They may also save money if they need to eat less. Who knows?

And think of the benefits 'they' say being slim has for one's health:
less joint pain, heart stress, diabetes. Leave the meds on the shelf!
And with better health, not only should one feel physically fitter,
but, growing older, you've less chance of again needing a 'sitter'.

The Advantages of Being Tall

I've written the advantages of being fat and of being slender.
Now, to you, the advantages of being tall I'll render.
I'm thinking six foot seven or so; not a giraffe.
I'm ‘bout 5 foot 10, give or take a half.

And when I think tall I think also of long arms and hands,
which could be a plus on B-ball courts and beach volleyball sands,
or to reach food dishes rather than saying 'pass it please',
or, while playing the piano, to reach more keys.

Being tall can help you to find your car in a big parking lot,
and to open those small near-the-ceiling windows when it's hot.
Changing closet light bulbs or hanging a picture on a wall
can be done more easily by someone who is tall.

Dusting the top of a refrigerator, picking lemons for lemonade,
seeing what's on the highest shelf, watching a parade,
pruning small trees, or adjusting the spray in a shower stall.
All these jobs are easier for someone who is tall.

So I guess you get the idea by now, don't you?
Of course there are also advantages to being short; it's true!
And now writing of those is what I'll do.

The Advantages of Being Short

'Short' contains MORE letters than 'long', or 'big', or 'tall',
but 'short', unlike those, means LESS, just like 'small'.
Here I speak of a height around 5-1 or 5-2;
not as short as a midget or dwarf, it's true.

If you wish to be a horse jockey, short's what you want to be,
but you may not be short enough to get a meal for free.
And though perhaps it is bad luck, you can walk beneath a ladder;
just keep hoping the painter above you doesn't splatter.

You could more easily read the labels on the lowest grocery shelves,
and near year's end get a job as one of Santa Claus's elves.
You could fit more easily into an Army tank or a Navy sub.
You'd probably have a better time bathing in a bathing tub.

In hotel beds you'd have more room to move around your feet,
and in general I think you'd spend less cash on what you buy to eat.
You'd have more under-sink room for yourself and plumbing tool.
You'd have less chance of hitting bottom when diving in a pool.

Like my wife, buying clothes you may save money and have a bigger selection,
because, being short, you can buy some clothes in a store's children's section.
You'll be more protected from rain under your umbrella,
and be less often struck by lightning than a taller fella.

And now for you short people who have wished to have more height,
you can now see, as I see, that your height is quite all-right.



(Oct.+ Nov.2012)