The Big House Poem by Prathibha Nandakumar

Early morning poems

-1-


If one clings to the little boy,
One loses the strong man.
One cannot be with both at once.
Says the old saying

In the big house stay
The big man and the little boy
Both asleep, smiling in their dreams
As I stand here waiting for the morning

-2-

He is asleep somewhere in the big house

Like a pearl hidden in a shell
Like a pea in a pod

But the early morning bird tells me that
He is gone over the clouds into the other world
Where all travelers are lonely
If by mistake he rows his boat
Into an abyss?

A thousand things could cause me distress
The silence is killing.

I am thankful
Even to the shell and the pod
For keeping the pearl and the pea.

-3-

The one asleep in the big house
Takes me on a journey to the land
Of no return.

He alone can give me
Grief and ecstasy
Simultaneously

Is he asleep or
Is he propped against a pillow?
A book in his hand
And a poem on his lips?

I look down into the eyes
Of the watchful dog

Stay away, he says,
The night is turning into day
And he will wake up any minute now.

Again the heart is weeping
Again the heart sings


-4-


The first ray of the sun to fall on the big house
Gives a wry grin
So, once again, you stayed awake
the entire night? It is of no use,
your dream will never come true.

Heavy with sleep, my eyes try to stare at it,
Go away, not so soon,
Let him sleep some more

I did my best to please him
If you cannot make him love me
Let him at least not love you.


-5-

It is too late and I am too old.
Too fat, too ugly, too simple,
Too unwanted, too intruding, too
Tiring, too over bearing…

Everything would be different if
Things were contrary.

It took me time to reach, forgive me.

There were waters to cross, they were wild and tossing;
If I fell, there were dragons and rivermonsters.



Late night poems


-1-

He is still moving about in the big house
He has not yet signed off the day

To squeeze every dropp of the day
To capture every fragrance of the wind
To lend his ears to every decibel
To mouth every word

He stays awake late till
Sleep takes charge

Then starts his durbar
In the other world

Where no questions are asked
No answers need be given.


-2-

This is a hermitage and this the mountain
I climb to see your form
And I beg for love

This distance between
your chair and mine
is ten thousand kilometers away
from your side
and just a hand stretch away from mine.

-3-

The light is out in the big house.
He is asleep

The wind brings with it
His breath, his scent, his faint whimper

I call out to the white owl
In the tall teak tree

Shh… do not disturb
He has had a long tiring day

But the owl points out
To the silhouette in the room.
I like to believe it to be him


-4-


Unto death, I said
Beyond it, you said

I think of heaven and earth,
without limit, without end

The big house smiled at me.


-5-

He lives in the big house
never needing me for a companion.

I am the mad woman
Singing an insane song

The owl comes out late night
I mentioned it to him in the morning

He smiled and said why don’t you go home
Once in a while, at least, to keep your sanity?