The Againer Poem by Ishan Chaitanya

The Againer



i question my integrity
i question my sanity
i question my good intentions
no matter how much present
they were so far

for in cold days like these
it's deeper than ever
the empty space that stands
between Him and me
and the blank pages i'm writing on

and the memories go on
invoking silent marches on my soul
seems i've been there before
so many times
and i have lived to regret
over and over

but have all those conspiracies
made me any wiser
i wonder aloud
again and again
so loud and painful
but as if speechless
to the core

boring or not
i have no choice
but to repeat them
over and over
unwanted events
that come to you and me

until i learn for real
that i have to yield
my so-called integrity
and the authority i've been
faking all along
'cause I'm not that strong
Is it worth it in the end?
I wonder since many times
I got no answer
that would satisfy my soul
and that's why
again i have to die
and to be born again -
the againer.

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