Thank You Mom… Poem by Aashisha Chakraborty

Your loving hands caressed me
As I was ensconced in the warmth of your being
Like a fledgling I reposed and rested
Nestled in your bosom, under your protective wing.
My substance derived from your essence
My existence tied immutably to yours
You nourished me with your life force
Even as I, inside you, waged wars.
From a minuscule nucleus
Struggling to a slightly grown seed
I was still a bare fetus
And you I did need.
An indelible part of you
An image of you in creation
Our fates bonded inextricably
Our destinies in conflation.
Beautiful was the world!
Full of charm and wonder
When seen with your eyes
Of everything I grew fonder.
The sweet voices calling to me
Greeting ‘heyya’ and ‘hello’
Calling me ‘little prince’ and ‘baby dear’
In tones warm, deep and mellow.
Amongst them all, I heard a certain voice
A distinct rich baritone
Like a soothing balm to my soul
Call me Dad, it intoned.
My heart leapt and I yearned to hear more
Of the magical universe outside, of its tales and lore.
I spotted more voices
Wooing and caressing me
Across your soft wall
In euphonies, cheery and carefree.
My little soul did cartwheels
My physical entity yearned to manifest itself
Creating tremors in the body where I was housed
To the world outside, making my presence felt.
I mustered all my vitality
My dear mother bearing the brunt
Responded with alacrity
Making her clutch her midriff with a moan and a grunt.
As you went about your life,
the activities to you all mundane
Were but a world of charm to me
With every single movement, momentous insight I gained.
When you stretched your arms
to retrieve a box from some high shelf
I swung about in a merry-go-round
Stumbling over myself.
When some strains of mellifluous music
made you smile and your eyes water
The ecstasy that filled me
made my tiny heart go pitter patter.
At times I was ravenous
and longed to taste all sorts of exotic flavors
At times I made you nauseous
and sometimes turned you into a craver.
Sometimes I wondered what
a mountain really looks like
Is it round? Is it hollow?
Is it black or is it white?
What was it that I sensed in you?
A rising excitement or a soothing sensation?
when you looked at the clouds
Is it the same with all of nature’s creations?
I wanted to see the trees, the rivers and the valleys
The flowers whose scent you inhaled so deeply
The breeze that wafted through the windows
The hope of seeing the unseen enraptured me completely.
I tried to learn the sounds from beyond
The myriad melodies that surrounded you
I tried to reciprocate with all my vitality
Exhausting you through and through.
The sloshing of water,
The susurration of the breeze
The crunching of gravel,
The rustling of leaves…
Oh! What a marvel!
The scent of a rose
The tinkling of a windchime
Or your hand on me, close.
Oh how I longed to see!
The way it all looked to you
How I longed to see
whom the voices belonged to.
The expectation thrilled me,
The longing became unendurable
I kept dreaming of a million colors
Is it even possible?
Sometimes I yearned to stretch out,
Pining and fighting to break free
Eliciting cries of pain from my dear mom.
Who nevertheless patted and consoled me.
When my little legs pounded against her soft walls
She gently learnt to bear the affliction
Talking to me all the while
Regaling and strengthening me with her conviction.
Sometimes, I was content and snug in my warm abode
So loving, so beautiful, so serene
No cares, no strain, no load
Living under an ensorcelled sheen.
Then one day I felt her larger heartbeats
outpacing my tiny ones
The cacophony of voices
tormenting and constricting my lungs.
Some urgent whisperings,
some earnest pleadings
My dear mother’s turmoil
wreaked havoc in my being.
I felt some pressure, making me curious,
Was it time already? I wondered
I was nervous, excited and eager
Maybe it had already arrived, the time to go yonder!
But it didn’t last long
The equipment was put aside
Deep discussion followed
There was time to bide.
A new feeling now pervaded her conscience
A sense of foreboding, a mood of sorrow
Her hands stole up to her belly more often
Her mind always dwelling on the morrow.
The days and nights were fraught with anxiety
The cheer, the merriment seemed to have all but vanished
No more games, no more voices calling
My dear mother was alone and famished.
On some nights, she called to me
My little princess, my beautiful daughter
The Almighty knows what I am going through
God forbid that I give you up for slaughter.
I did not understand the change
But I felt the transition
In the air surrounding her
There was the scent of some mission.
Then one stormy day, I felt tremors rocking me,
Tremors of a kind I had never felt before
An upheaval in the atmosphere
Turbulence shaking my core.
A frisson of fear crawled all over me
A morbid miasma pervaded my little world
A cataclysm loomed ahead
With horror, my mind swirled.
Silent cries of desperation
Escaped my unformed lips
Praying for life
My little heart before its time, ripped.
I was overwhelmed with anguish
There was so much I wished to do
I wanted to feel, touch, see and know
I wanted to be real too…
Oh dear mother where are you?
I know you can see things from above
I want to be a tangible part of you
I want to live and love.

Will you save me?
Will you save me from those
who want to separate me from you?
Will you save me from these monsters
who don’t want me to be true?
As I waited in agony
Waited for a reassuring caress
My hopes flagged
And I gradually sagged under duress.
My silent pleas were smothered
The flame of my existence extinguished
My reality was slaughtered
All my hopes relinquished.
Gleaming orbs rolled down your cheeks
Tracing their way down your soft skin
I wish I could touch them just once
I wish I could push them back in.
I wish I could see myself in your eyes
I wish I could wrap your arms around me
I wish I could embrace you tight
I wish I could be your baby.
Before I part forever
I have a few words to say
Thank you mom
For saving me today.
You guarded my childhood
My tender years of growth
Rescued my vulnerable years
By taking a steely oath.
You saved me from all sorts of monsters
Monsters who would seek to declaim my name
Monsters who would try to deface my body
Monsters who would view me as a game.
Monsters who would aim to disgrace my soul
Monsters who would be unnamed
Monsters who would pass off as gentlemen
Monsters who would not even be ashamed.
From such monsters you protected me
You stood like a shield, a knight, a soldier
Fought for my safety
And removed from my path every boulder.
You killed me in your bosom
You did not let me face any fight
By cutting my world sojourn short
You protected me with all your might.
Hard though it was for you to decide
Your set face and determined expression
Obscured your true sentiments and
Saved me from many an immolation.
Your eyes staring straight ahead
And your hands fisted in defiance
Your body heaving with sobs
But your spirit one of self reliance.
The mass of voices who sang to me sweet
Turned away in bitter hostility
When they discovered I belonged to
The fairer half of humanity.
All those sweet voices disowned me
We don’t want her, said they
The voice who called himself dad
now wanted me away.
You loved me truly
And took the hardest possible decision
You gave me up
And helped me attain salvation.
You liberated me
And saved me from a cursed life
You sent me to the dark angel
to spare me a life of torment and strife.
You sent me away
to the skies and the seas.
Back to where I came from,
back to the fruits and the trees.
Thank you mom for being my savior
For liberating me from the taint of superstition
For emancipating me from the bonds of prejudice
For rescuing me from the savagery of societal convention.
Even though our time together was preciously brief
And my departure abrupt
I hope you will remember me
When you look at the flowers and the shrubs.
Loving me unconditionally
Bearing everything with aplomb
You were the best in the world
Thank you mom…