Sandy Player


Strawberry Typhoon


It tastes sweet,
A syrupy figure of strawberry juice
Spiralling like a typhoon in the glass,
........................
........................
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  • Rookie - 196 Points Ruth Walters (3/12/2013 3:32:00 PM)

    Dreadful for the teeth too.....erodes the tooth enamel and will cause misery in years to come.....poisonous bubbles to intoxicate and destroy you.......the poem though, is worth the pain...it's brilliant..... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Søren Valentine (3/12/2013 10:17:00 AM)

    So I reread this piece at least two times and one.
    I absolutely loved the descriptive language you used. It made me feel the sensation of acid flowing down my throat, salt pouring like an avalanche within me. It was balanced so as to not overwhelm the reader with a sense of over-description (I might have made up my own word right now) .


    Like the poisonous murderers they are. This was my favourite line. It might be due to my personal interpretation, but it just leaves me with an emotion I cannot now describe. Awesome job! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 1 Points Yours Forever X (2/25/2013 2:54:00 AM)

    aww i feel so sorry for you but keep going you can do it, i have more faith in you than myself! i also agree with Aria about the contrast xxxxx (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Aria Siren (2/24/2013 6:07:00 PM)

    I quite like this piece. The contrast of the sweet kiss of the rim with the acidic debris the pills leave behind is lovely. The concluding four lines reflect some remorse along with the almost twisted hope of another try. I'm rubbish at expressing how poems affect me but this one did for sure. It's one of my favourites by you now. Thanks for sharing with the outside world. (Report) Reply

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