Treasure Island

Sandy Player


Strawberry Typhoon


It tastes sweet,
A syrupy figure of strawberry juice
Spiralling like a typhoon in the glass,
Tastes sweet as I kiss the rim
Into the corners of my mouth like
Two blunt knives.
I used to play a little with
The pills before hiding them away in me
One by one but
I crack the packets open this time
Like Christmas crackers
And take a suprise bomb; a bad joke.
The back of my mouth and the top of my throat
Wave on the first green coated hero
And the second doesn't stick either
But the next go in
As commandos whose cover is blown;
Like the poisonous murderers they are.
I take a moment to clear
The field of gas,
My lips have a shake at
The idea of letting something out,
But I know it'll make the sticky trench clearer.
The fruty scent escapes the glass
And sings arie in my nose.
It seems I'm wrong.
The next two go down like a tub of salt in a childs throat
And then my agents are thrown out with
All the acidic debris they created.

The mess prods my eyes;
Tells me I wasn't quite ready,
And overpowers the aroma sickening my nostrils.
Next time it says.

Submitted: Sunday, February 24, 2013
Edited: Sunday, February 24, 2013

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  • Ruth Walters (3/12/2013 3:32:00 PM)

    Dreadful for the teeth too.....erodes the tooth enamel and will cause misery in years to come.....poisonous bubbles to intoxicate and destroy you.......the poem though, is worth the pain...it's brilliant..... (Report) Reply

  • Søren Valentine (3/12/2013 10:17:00 AM)

    So I reread this piece at least two times and one.
    I absolutely loved the descriptive language you used. It made me feel the sensation of acid flowing down my throat, salt pouring like an avalanche within me. It was balanced so as to not overwhelm the reader with a sense of over-description (I might have made up my own word right now) .


    Like the poisonous murderers they are. This was my favourite line. It might be due to my personal interpretation, but it just leaves me with an emotion I cannot now describe. Awesome job! (Report) Reply

  • Yours Forever X (2/25/2013 2:54:00 AM)

    aww i feel so sorry for you but keep going you can do it, i have more faith in you than myself! i also agree with Aria about the contrast xxxxx (Report) Reply

  • Aria Siren (2/24/2013 6:07:00 PM)

    I quite like this piece. The contrast of the sweet kiss of the rim with the acidic debris the pills leave behind is lovely. The concluding four lines reflect some remorse along with the almost twisted hope of another try. I'm rubbish at expressing how poems affect me but this one did for sure. It's one of my favourites by you now. Thanks for sharing with the outside world. (Report) Reply

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