' Stigma ' Poem by Marie Joyce B. Negapatan

Walking along
This acquainted road
I can vividly recall
The memories in my head
On that cold December morning
When I lay my eyes on you
After so many years
Of missing you

How my life came to a halt
The moment I realized
This love I never felt inside
From that moment on
I never stop wishing
To turn back those days
Of innocence
When love was blossoming
Amidst the naiveness
Of our hearts

But then you ran away
With the fleeting time
Leaving the world changing
And so was you and I
A part of me
Still stuck
Along the abyss
Of yesterday's memory
But still I made myself believe
That you're far away
Lost in time

And so I thought
I'd never see you again
Standing by the door
Wearing that familiar smile
On your face
But out of the clear blue sky
The rain fell down
Celebrating your return
With music playing
In every corners
And so my heart was never been the same
Hammering wildly
Out of sanity
As it echoes your name
Along the valleys of enthusiasm

Oh how you ignite
My senses back to life
When you bring back
This passive heart of mine
From the embers of fire
On those days
You left me out in cold
Trying to search the warmth
Of your existence
During those days of winter
And slumber

This unattainable love I felt
From a distant gaze
Overpowering my senses
Whenever you stare
If only you could see
My face
Lighting up the darkness
Of the night
Every time your shadow
Passes by
The calmness of my life

And so I sing my songs of love
To the moon
How I wish that someday
It would grow its own wings
To let it fly across to you

But no matter how your presence
Takes my sorrows away
I still can't deny
This evident stain
A mock of displeasure
From the society
Asking myself why
Why does it seem so wrong
Yet it feel so right
Every time your love strikes me
Like a lightning from the sky
This blaze burning
From this passionate heart
Is the sweetest sin
Of my flesh and blood

I just couldn't help
But weigh down
The consequences of my feelings
Is this love all around
Or confusions I found?
We're worlds apart
Is the reasons of my heart
But still I try to comprehend
This predicament of feeling
So deeply infatuated with you

I wonder when will
My grace stop
Oscillating the path
Between right and wrong
When all I ever care about
In this lifetime
Is loving you
With all my heart

My life still revolves
Just like yours
But until now
Not a single soul
Has ever measured
The inordinate weight
Of my emotions

But I know fate won't take me
Nearest to you
Nor these secrets of my heart
Be ever concealed to you
And so I tried
A thousand schemes
To make my heart forget
This obscenity
But the more I walked away
From you
The least I want to cleanse
My conscience of you

I surmise this love
Will never reach its end
As long as my heart still beats
'Till the very last breath
And so I thank God
For confining me in this asylum
In this place where I found love
So foolish yet so true
Now look at my eyes
And see what you'll find
A mirror of insanity
In my blood-stained mind
The way you stigmatized
My soul with this love
Slowly dying in shame
And blissfulness...

And it's all because of you.