Sonnet 1 Poem by Ahmad Shiddiqi

Sonnet 1

Rating: 4.5


at dawn you walked slowly upon blue glaciers
through all the flimsy nuance we felt at once
so eternal and so urgent you declared love
you seemed to me depend upon red glove

guardian angels performed Oxana's Caprices
the range of dream's wide and gracious
Heaven have no rhymes more sweet
than prayers and praise fully repeat

you ought to recite verses whole night long
with these hope to make sincere your song
you spoke to whom freedom was truly belong
which of the two choices were best to gain
life without trust and courage was often pain
you still tried another way again and again

(dedicated to a great poet, John O'Sullivan)

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
C. P. Sharma 29 October 2009

For the sonnet form let wise contest, For me whatever delivers best is the best. CP

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Rajaram Ramachandran 29 October 2009

A good attempt to bring out a sonnet.

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Joseph Poewhit 29 October 2009

Words have a dreamy affect

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Merna Ibrahim 29 October 2009

A poem with a beautiful rhythm...! ! Thanks.10

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Omar Ibrahim 29 October 2009

i read previously some of Shakespear's sonnets......this sonnet is powerful that i began to compare between your sonnet and his sonnets......and it's a very big thing to compare a new sonnet made by a poet of this era to shakespear.....you have to be proud....this shows that you are a genius like i have once told you......

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Lynda Robson 06 November 2009

Melodious dedication well done 10 lynda xx

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Nizamettin Esen Haymanali 05 November 2009

Fluent, melodious and beautiful. Thanks for sharing.10

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Seema Chowdhury 03 November 2009

a lovely poem to read and share. thanks

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Catrina Heart 31 October 2009

awesome poem shared, well as according to Peat............ he knows better so from his pointers we learn alot. Still cheers for this creation...keep on writing and trying new forms! ! !

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R. H. Peat 31 October 2009

Ahmad I really don't see this as a sonnet, even a nonce sonnet which is a variation on a sonnet form. The rhythm within the lines is bent all over the place it doesn’t even have a good cadence. If nothing else you could have a stronger music by just counting the syllables within the lines. The music inside the lines suffers much by not even carrying a strong cadence. Usually sonnets are written in iambic pentameter with a specific rhyme scheme. Unless they are described as some other form of sonnet. Shakespeare and Petrarchan both had very specific form to their sonnets. Both had 14 lines (which is about the only thing in common here) . A Shakespearian Sonnet has a rhyme scheme as: abab cdcd efef gg with a rhyming couplet on the end. Petrarchan Sonnet has a rhyme scheme as: abba, abba, cde, cde which ends in two tercets. Of course there are other forms of sonnets as well. A Smith sonnet has 2 lines that rhyme the rhyming couplet that ends the poem the rest of the poem is written in blank verse which is not to be confused with free verse. Free verse is written with a cadence while blank verse is written in an iambic metric foot. Although another foot might be used from time to to time. You can create your own sonnet form if you have an understanding of what a sonnet is, and how it should be presented with a specific turning point at line 9 or 10. The word 'Sonnet' actually means short song, so the more musical your presentation of your sonnet form the better. Use all the musical devices you can without over doing it. There are many different ways to create music in poetry. Your poem however is not as musical as the most common sonnet because it lacks an internal line rhythm for one fact, and for another the rhyme scheme looks really contrived. Either a metric foot or a heavy cadence would help your poem in general. Just start by counting the syllables in each line and your cadence will improve immensely. Try for 8-10 syllables per line. This would be close to iambic tetrameter or Iambic pentameter but it would just be a syllabic meter. Most sonnet forms are written in accentual syllabic meter but there are some syllabic meter sonnet forms as well. The Hollander sonnet (by John Hallander) is 13 lines of 13 syllables. You can find his poetry on the internet. Also try to construct a rhyme scheme that has a definite form to it. Learn how to write a sonnet form of some kind before going out and constructing your own form. You will have more of an idea of what is qualified as a sonnet. It is the highest form of poetry in the English Language because it is one of the most difficult to write. About the only thing I see in common here with a sonnet is 14 lines an rhymes. But a sonnet form is far more restrictive in presentation as I have described above. But a nonce sonnet could be more in you line of thought just by counting syllables. By making your form into a poem with syllabic meter. It would have a more musical sound to the lines when read aloud. a poet friend RH Peat

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Ahmad Shiddiqi

Ahmad Shiddiqi

Semarang, Central Java, Indonesia
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