Vishal Sharma

Rookie - 175 Points (10th july 1996/Samastipur (Bihar) / India)

Skull-Less


I sit to write
and to redicide
my dull future
and your face
horrified me
and I awaked
in the middle
to feel blood
that I was real
not a figment
of your dreams
and your gently strokes,
provide me strength
and I being alone
did nothing for hours
rather it was boring,
do you think it as right
see, i had sit to write
and telling you what
that am i skull-less
yon decide...

Submitted: Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, June 19, 2013

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  • Veteran Poet - 4,807 Points Bri Edwards (6/19/2013 8:21:00 PM)

    i must admit that i don't think i follow/understand much of this, though for being words ordered by a bird in your belly, as i said before, the bird must take the blame. of course the blame could fall a bit on me for living in a different generation, in a different culture, and with a (probably) different language. [i'm assuming here that english is not vishal's FIRST language.....though if it is not, he does pretty well with it.]
    i think redicide (sic) should be spelled redecide, and i don't think it is in my dictionary although i did not look. but i like the word and think it should be in my dictionary.
    i believe the following line is awkward grammatically: 'and your gently strokes, ' perhaps 'gentle strokes' is what i would write. does 'skull-less' mean 'clueless' or what? i wonder. also, i think you want YOU DECIDE on the last line, not YON DECIDE. sometimes i miss my mistakes even after proofreading. thanks for sharing young poet! (Report) Reply

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