Shutting Down Poem by Rebecca Paul

I've lost all my inspiration.
The mind I claim as my own is
Shutting down.
Slowly all of my creativity seems
further and further away...
Can't quite reach it yet.
Maybe tomorrow though.
I miss you, baby. So much.
Are you taking my poems from me?
This inability to scribble the
Simplest of lines?
My love for you is infinite.
Yet my ability to write anything
Feels infinitesimal.
Blank is what I see.
White walls. Shades of gray.
Confusion and illusion.
Regret maybe? Remorse?
Not quite...
Loneliness. Pure, unscensored
Desire for human affection.
But you're so far away, my love...
My heart reaches out for you;
My body recoiling from the thought of
Even one more day without you.
Soon, my dearest, I will find you.
Until then though, my head is vacant.
The vaguest of ideas pass through.
Nothing worth holding on to
Or remembering.
Forgetful, vague, submissive, passive.
My actions feel subservient.
Born to please everyone except the one
I want. Except the man I yearn
To make happy.
I'm left in my half-dead state,
Drifting in and out of consciousness.
Shaking in bed, laying in a puddle
Of my own tears.
Waking up in a pool of sweat and panic.
I scream for you in dreams;
No sound.
I reach for you in nightmares;
No feeling.
Then I awaken numb. Listless.
I muster the prowess just to
Live on without you.
Until I can feel you next to me...
Shutting down.