Self Pity Poem by Timmy Tubbs

She holds my rope
Below me, infinite darkness
Above me, worn bloodied hands
She weakens
I am helpless

She leaves for college, my rope slips through her hands
She learns to have fun, my rope slips through her hands
She cries, I don’t know why, my rope slips through her hands
She makes mistakes. No, I make them. My rope slips. Her hands burn.
She ties off heavier ropes. Her hands bleed. My rope slips.
My toes touch black
Cut from the top, the rope falls to my side
I sit alone. No way out.
Wrapped in my own self-pity, wrong questions consume me
Why me?
I’m a loser, a nobody. Why did she do this to me?
Does she love me?

Eating away at her. I am a parasite.
No concern for her or hers
I didn’t want change
I was afraid
But she is more than I dreamed of

Her heart is black and blue.
Her road, tore up
And in my hand, a measly shovel

Finally, the right thoughts murder the wrong.
Who is she? How did I get here?
I stand. I am firm.
I grab the roots and yank myself up.
The surface closes, and I see light. I drag myself out.
She is there
Her hands are burned and bloodied
I begin to speak. Her finger shushes me. She understands.
I wipe the tears from her cheek. Her eyeliner smears
She attempts to smile. Pain won’t let her.
I grab her ropes with her new creation. My Infinite strength
Arm over arm, I pull
The bruises of her heart fade. She smiles

I fill the darkened hole and bury the torn ropes
I take her soar hands in mine
I sweep her up and take her to my new place—safe.
It is the first day of the rest of our lives.
It’s time to have fun. Time for you to live.